The solution to your problems

There is nobody or nothing in this world that can solve all our problems! So, we shouldn’t waste our time looking for that! If things are bothering us, then we are our biggest problem. Thoughts don’t come; anger doesn’t come; irritation doesn’t come to us. We create those. Since we create those, only we can remove them by removing the importance we give to ourselves.

Learn what needs to change within you to handle yourself better. Learn how you can sail through life without much resistance and have more openness! Then anyone can help. Else, no one can! We are all here for the same purpose, i.e. learning! Not flatter ourselves or our egos! If talking for hours would solve problems, we’d have no problems at all by now. Understanding yourself and breaking down your ego will help solve your problems. Look for someone who can help you dismantle your ego, not soothe it and instigate it further. Don’t look for people who are interested in listening to your problems. If anyone is interested in your problems, it is unhealthy. Look for people who are interested in YOU! Then they can guide you towards your well-being. Stop giving undue importance to yourself and your problems and expecting others also to do that. If you want to help yourself, be a good listener. Most problems are solved if you shut the mind and open your heart. 

Don’t believe that anyone can heal you or hurt you! Only you can do that for yourself. The illusions that we believe create the miseries that we experience. Detach yourself from yourself. Look at yourself from a far off place – we are all a small speck of dirt! Nothing more! We have a temporary abode. Then how can our problems have a permanent residence? It’s a short life. The choice we have is to either live in the illusion of misery or experience freedom. Don’t look for long term associations with therapists. Don’t create dependencies that chain you to believing that you are insufficient or good because someone reinforces that for you.

You are the creator’s creation, and He has made no mistake in creating you. It is left up to you to recognise the innate goodness in you and around you. Be open to learning from everyone without chaining or getting chained. It’s okay to fall. But never choose to stay down. You may need momentary help to get back on your feet. But don’t expect anyone to teach you how to walk all over again just because you fell. Your fall has given you more experience yourself if you are open to learning from your mistakes. Avoid feeling sorry for yourself. You don’t need it. All of life is an experience. The monsters and the heroes of your life are all your creation. Exaggerated perceptions create exaggerated effects on us. We kill mosquitoes and ants, which doesn’t affect us as much – because they are tiny creations, perhaps. But even if someone hurts us, it affects us a lot. Because we have a larger than life, exaggerated perception of ourselves. It doesn’t help! Imagine if we look at ourselves as ants or that speck of dirt, most problems wouldn’t even arise. When we minimise everything else, we maximise our awareness. When we maximise our awareness, we develop the ability to view everything in perspective. That’s when you solve all your problems yourself!

If you observe what you feel, it will pass.

If you identify with what you feel, it will affect you. 

No one can hurt you. They can only make you get in touch with the hurt that’s already within you!

No one can irritate you. They can only make you realise the irritation that’s already within you!

No one can make you feel loved. They can only make you recognise the love that’s already within you. 

No one can make you feel anything that isn’t already a part of you. If you are feeling it, it is already within you. They just helped you get in touch with what’s within. Thank them for it!

If you don’t like what you are feeling, change what’s within you! Then no matter what happens outside, what you feel inside will be what you want to feel.

When life’s unfair…

I always thought it has to be fair. Majority of my fights in life were for justice or my perception of it. After all these years, I have realised it’s not about justice always. For something to begin, something has to start and something has to end. In the process, justice may temporarily be off! The beginning of an end, is the beginning of much more than the end itself.

Who promised life will be fair anyway? I was only promised learning. It isn’t about justice always. It’s about my learning from them both and my ability to gather myself through it all. And again have the capacity to believe in something and stand up for something I believe in. 

It may not be fair. But I need to know that’s just the way it is and learn how to deal with it better. If I get stuck in the whole idea of it not being fair, I will find myself stuck at the same point for a very long time and not find a way out. Besides, what’s fair to me may not be fair to someone else. There’s always another perspective.

I don’t intend to justify what’s not fair or spend time rationalising it. But I wouldn’t want to waste all my time cribbing about it either. It definitely gets me nothing better even if I do that. Other than the fact that I will feel bitter, defeated and play a victim, there’s no good that comes off it. It renders me powerless in my own life. On the other hand, if I think to myself, yes, that’s unjust. But now what? What next? What should I do to deal with this? I’ll at least head somewhere thinking of that. Moving somewhere is better than being stuck and stagnant. 

Thinking of what I deserve might delude me from recognising what I got. That delusion can make me feel entitled and bitter. It’s not the world’s problem to grant me what I deserve. Why should it be? There are many who don’t get what they deserve. They are making their peace or trying to find their way out. And that’s the spirit. I am not here to whine and complain. I am here to rise and take charge. I am grateful when life is fair. I am humbled when it isn’t. 

Life is not fair or unfair. It is just what it was meant to be, to offer me my learning! By calling it something, I get myself into a web. It prevents me from understanding. It prevents me from looking at the bigger picture. It prevents me from learning what I was here to learn.

I may have given and not gotten it back. I may have worked twice as hard to get where I got. I may have lost more than I gained. I may have tried and failed. I may have paid for something that wasn’t even mine. But it’s just life offering me the learnings. That’s all it ever was! And that’s all it’ll ever be!

The choice is always mine

Whether I want to learn or whine!

And I think it’s about time

To look beyond my limited confines

And recognise the grander design!

Therein lies my peace sublime!

What to do when someone is refusing to learn their lesson

Are you well-fed or hungry? Master Yourself

A must-listen for a very important ingredient for growth in life.
  1. Are you well-fed or hungry?
  2. An inspiring story of hope in the corporates
  3. When life's not fair
  4. What to do when someone is refusing to learn…
  5. Knowledge is not power unless you have this

One thing that matters for sure to anyone

The hair that you comb and color will break and fall.

The body that you nourish and exercise will stink even if you don’t bathe for a day.

The perfume that you spray, can’t mask the smell that you have beyond a point!

Your most branded belongings will also be rags one day!

Your ego only serves to getting you hurt or illusioned and nothing else!

No matter how beautiful your name, you will be referred to as “the body” once you die.

No one cares if it was a fit body or a fat body!

If it was a fair body or a dark one.

If it had hair or didn’t, 

If the hair was white or black.

The only thing, that doesn’t rot, fall, break or decompose is your kindness and goodness

that you leave behind as your footprint. 

Nothing else matters! 

Have you taken care of it today?

How many lives have you touched positively today?

And no, it’s not by advising. 🙂

Dealing with death

Lots of deaths happening around. We are unable to help it. There’s grief. Death shows no bias nor consideration for age, gender, power, value – or anything. We can neither choose when it happens, how happens, or to whom it happens. At times like these, just a couple of things that you might want to consider so that you can help yourself through these trying times:

  1. It’s okay to cry. Let no one tell you and you don’t tell anyone that one should not cry. It’s not only normal, it is absolutely necessary that we give ourselves the liberty to cry it out, if we feel like it. Neither force anyone to not cry nor force anyone to cry. Each person had their own way to grieve. Respect the space. Not crying is not a source of strength nor is crying a sign of weakness.
  2. We usually tend to think of the last moments and feel bad. Think of the good times with them. Recall stories from their life that stand out for you. Share with someone or write down if you wish. But recall all the great stories. Their entire life is always more powerful than their death in a moment. So make sure you remember and recall their life rather than fixate only on the dying part. Replay their life more than replaying their death. Their good stories will inspire you to live your life better. 
  3. Avoid feeling bitter. Death is something that really isn’t in our hands. Death is the only thing that isn’t an “if”. It will happen! We can neither control nor choose when it happens or how it happens! So don’t blame yourself for their death. If their life were to continue it would have. Because their time had come, there was nothing you could do to save them. So don’t go on guilt trips or bitter trips. It’s really not in our hands. It’s okay to feel sad. But bitter makes it worse.
  4. Don’t think of other possibilities after the person dies. It’s only a recipe to make yourself or others feel miserable. The fact that they are gone, no point talking of what you or anyone should have done differently to save them. Ideation to save their life after their death is a foolish idea. This only helps blaming. And blaming doesn’t really help. 
  5. Don’t try to avoid their thoughts, or avoid looking at their photos or anything that reminds you of them. The more you try to avoid, the more it will continue to affect you. Deal with it. Feel the emotions because after some time your avoidance will make it all unbearable. Make your peace sooner than later. Dealing with them on a regular basis helps to reduce the intensity over time. Avoiding it by keeping yourself busy or distracted will make it a repressed thought and feeling which might storm out of you in strange ways and forms when you least expect it – and that too, for many years to come! Someone you loved all these years, doesn’t have to be suddenly forgotten, hidden, or repressed. 

When you think of them, think of their wonderful qualities, their life and how you can carry forward their legacy. May every thought of theirs give you the strength to move forward in life. Even if it is our loss today, we have to remember, we did gain a lot until this point. That’s why we feel the loss. Let us be grateful for all that we gained from them. We will miss their physical presence but if we look within, we’ll find a part of them within ourselves. It’s okay to miss their presence, but don’t miss your life, your duties, and other loved ones around you in the process of missing them. If you ever think you should’ve been better with them in anyway, take it as an opportunity to be better at least with those who are alive and with you now. Lest you regret the same again with others too.

As daunting as darkness might initially be, it’s only a few moments before our eyes adjust to it and learn to see. So, hang in there until you can see!

Before we go inward in pain, let’s look outside and see all the others who may need our love and support. We can’t get back those who are gone. But let’s try and help the rest of us survive and get past this. Individually we may collapse. Collectively we can survive. We need to look beyond our individual pain to be able to rise above the situation and do whatever is required of us at a humanitarian level. Let’s not expect others to be understanding. Let us understand since some are too gripped by fear to be able to do any better. They need even more love!

We shall get past this together! Prayers and wishes for you and your loved ones. Take care!

Narmada

7th anniversary special :D

7 years and counting. Today it is 7 years since I published my first blog. When I started, I had no idea how long or how many will I post. But that’s the beauty. I covered the distance unknowingly, and effortlessly. Without anticipation, life seems to go more seamlessly. When we anticipate, there’s too much that goes into planning, and most of the planning is often around what might go wrong. We complicate simple things. When I look back, I see the transitions.

  • Initially, I used to never post unless it was proofread by someone, to make it error proof. After sometime, I figured mistakes aren’t going to kill me. I was more open to learning from my mistakes rather than being hell bent on preventing them or perfecting something. I realised I was able to flow freely when I did that.
  • In the initial days, I used to wonder how many reads, how many likes, what should I do to get more traffic. Today, I post because it feels like my diary of sorts, albeit an open one. Anyone who wants can read. So there’s no inner noise about numbers and views.
  • I used to compare with others too, when I was new. I used to wonder how someone else was getting more traffic than mine. Today, I am not looking at anything else. I am just very focused on what I want to do and giving it my best. I found my love for writing. And everything else is just a blur.
  • I used to think I was as good as the likes and views that I got. Today, I realise that everything is a perspective. Mine is one, a like or a dislike is one. Perspectives are perspectives. There are no goods and bads in it. Unless we use them in counterproductive ways. There’s a free state of mind.
  • The biggest thing I realised is to keep going. Sometimes I know where, sometimes I don’t know too. But I keep going. I have reached here today. When someone first told me write a 150 blogs, it seemed like a mountain of a task. Today I don’t even realise how I moved past the numbers to reach where I have reached today.
  • Last year I embarked on a challenge to write everyday. I did so for 100 days. It was a huge learning for me. I got the structure of commitment and discipline that even today helps me in so many different areas of my life.

My learning is, just to focus on one step at a time. One day at a time. Trusting myself. Being in touch with why I do what I do. And to challenge myself regularly. That’s all! The rest will be taken care of.

Thank you for stopping by and reading. Thank you for your feedback. It’s very kind of you to do so. It’s a diary that has connected me to the world that was earlier beyond my reach. Thank you for staying connected. 🙂

A true story of spirituality based on a mosquito!

There were mosquitoes that were biting me last night while I was trying to sleep.

I thought, who is responsible for it?

Who left the doors open?

Why this sudden increase in mosquitoes?

Why isn’t the mosquito repellent working? This brand isn’t good.

As I was lost in my intense thoughts and judgments about them and all things related to them, the mosquitoes didn’t give much about it. They went about their business. 

When I had more than enough of it, I jumped out of my bed, went to the hall, got myself another mosquito repellent that was in the hall and plugged it in near me. That did the trick. No more mosquitoes and I slept through the night.

Life and spirituality is just that much I realised. Figure out what do I need to do at any given point. That’s all! The rest isn’t my business.

And no, I don’t need to make a heroic story of my survival with the mosquitoes because I sent them in my life to bite me so that I have this profound realisation. They were just doing their job. I neither need to play a victim nor a hero in this tale with mosquitoes. Way too much of my time gets lost in in deciding who should get the title of a hero and villain of a story. When the reality is that there are none. Each is just a mosquito playing it’s part. I am one such from a different species. 

If there was an award for being the most self-critical, would that go to you?

Being self-critical is one hobby that we unconsciously pick up and become really good at in no time – all in the pursuit of self-improvement. However, it doesn’t really help us achieve that purpose quite as well as we had imagined.

One might wonder then, how does one change if we don’t find our own flaws and faults. Great question! Yes! It is important to know one’s strengths and opportunities – but not in a way that impedes our confidence and our ability to pursue life in full potential. The knowledge of where we went wrong, and what we can do better is helpful only so long as we actively pursue learning for ourselves. Not if we use it to limit our very own self. 

Did you know that constantly scolding yourself gives you the permission to continue being at your less than optimal state in the long run? You read that right! We just get better at being bad if we continuously pull ourselves down.  So don’t get into a competition of scolding yourself or telling yourself that you are unable to do this, you can’t help yourself, you aren’t confident, you are a mess, you don’t know to communicate etc. because the more you tell yourself that, the more you are giving yourself the unconscious permission to be just that. It’s like declaring to yourself and the world that you have some terminal illness that is beyond cure. Obviously then, dying is the most natural expectation that others and yourself will have of you. Where’s the question then of life, hope, and of getting better?

If you want to really help yourself, “Catch yourself to coach yourself. Not to criticise yourself.” (Source: Just Open)

At times, people give up without even exploring, or trying the alternatives. They are so used to living with themselves the way they are, that they’d rather die criticising than challenge themselves to be any different. It’s a far more deadlier virus than anything we have witnessed. We have such low expectations of ourselves and we repeatedly tell ourselves, “I have been this way. It is tough to change. I tried but I couldn’t. I am like this. You don’t know my past. It is easier said than done.” And so on and so forth. The nature of these sentences is such that it prevents your mind from conceiving/considering any possibilities of challenging yourself to learn. Your mind resigns to the fact that ‘the Master doesn’t want to change. So let us just continue this way.’

No one is interested in knowing how well you can scold yourself. It would be inspiring to see how committed you are to change yourself. 

Give a reason for your mind to feel challenged and not resign. Don’t take succumbing to your fears as the only alternative to life. Challenge yourself to question your limiting beliefs about yourself. Challenge yourself to change. You may have been short-tempered, you may have been lazy, you may have been whatever else so far. But you don’t have to continue to be that way forever. Don’t give up on yourself. You aren’t a victim of yourself, or of life. You can become a survivor this very minute if you only challenge yourself healthily. And life won’t change for the better unless we commit to changing ourselves for the better. We were not born with these prejudices and criticisms. We can change anything that we weren’t born with and quite some things that we were born with too. Doesn’t matter who started this game of criticising. You can change it or end it for yourself. Don’t make a pathetic excuse of life, when you can be a precious example of it. Find the conviction to rise in front of your own eyes! For those who are convinced that they can change, courage will naturally follow. 

Why bother loving others, or believing in others, when we can’t for our own selves?

We are not stuck because of lack of courage. Rather, we are stuck because of a lack of conviction. Some are more convinced, and hence more courageous.

You are anyways thinking. Which means, you can think. Hence, think you can!

It’s your choice whether you wish to line up an ambulance fearing you’ll fall. Or line up an award believing that you’ll rise!

(For the other kind, who mostly believe the world is at fault and they deserve more sympathy/ recognition/ attention/ love/ care, this one’s not for you.) Eventually, both beliefs – the word is right and I am wrong, or, I am right and the world is wrong – are lopsided perspectives. Always remember there’s no smoke without fire. Our world is a response to what we are thinking and being mostly. So every situation is an opportunity for us to be better, smarter, wiser in some way. Just remove the guilts and the blames – and we shall be along on our journey just fine!

We don’t deserve better! We get better!

Those who think they deserve better, stay where they are feeling bitter. Those who challenge themselves to get better, get ahead feeling better. 

If you think it is bad that some people have low expectations of us, it’s worse still to think of living down to those.