Archives

Complimenting is an art!

We have all received compliments at some point of time or the other. Some we remember, some we don’t. And then there are those few that we cherish – the ones that bring a smile on our face anytime we think of them. It could’ve been years back, but every time we think of them, the same feeling of happiness comes by again. What is it that makes a compliment tick and stick for so long? Here are a few things that made the difference:

1) How they feel depends on how you say – Firstly, like everything else, complimenting too is an art. And art means expression. Consider half the job done, when you say it with expressions and communicate your energy and enthusiasm behind the compliment. It is such that it lifts the emotional state of the receiver in an instant. Passionately communicate rather than merely stating. Compliment is an expression of praise or admiration not a generic talk.

2) Make it an identity – Anything positive can be made to an identity level statement. For example, you are a terrific orator (instead of, ‘you speak well’); you are a great singer (instead of, ‘you sing well’). This will help them get associated with a positive word for themselves and repeat their excellence in other contexts too.

3) Remember & recall – It is important that you are explicitly quoting what you liked the most. That way, you are giving evidence that you were fully there and focused; and by stating specifics, you are also helping the person understand what the best part about what they did was and help the other person bring their unconscious excellence to their consciousness. Hence repeating this behaviour will be easy for them in the future.

4) Don’t stop just yet – Stating one sentence is easy. But, if you really liked something and truly want to appreciate, be generous with words. If their actions blew you away, the least we can do is sweeping them off their feet with our words, isn’t it? This is one place where we wouldn’t leave a person wanting for more. Let’s just give it to them since they deserve it.

5) ‘Buts’ can be parked – Following up a compliment with a ‘but’ is as good as negating. It is said that whatever precedes ‘but’ is bullshit. Think about it – “I like you…but…” And you don’t even want to hear the rest of it because you know the first part is not absolute. A compliment is strong enough to stand alone. It doesn’t need the support of advises or suggestions. Let’s park them for a later date if required.

6) Stick to the present rather than the past– Sometimes, when we like something about a person in the present, we tend to compare it with the behaviour of theirs from the past which we didn’t appreciate as much. This can backfire at times. Also, rather than spending more time talking about a past that wasn’t appreciated, we might as well focus on the present that we appreciate. The golden rule is ‘stay put with the desired behaviour’.

7)  You could be better, but that is for later – It isn’t about you, so fully focus on the other. Even if you have done something similar, or if you were the one who is responsible for their excellence right now, that is not most important right now. Be magnanimous and selfless in appreciation of the other. A simple sentence like, “See, I told you” or “I did something very similar” can reduce the effect of a compliment. You can’t appreciate and advice someone at the same time!

8) Compliments don’t need cousins for comparison – Rather than telling someone that they were better than another, appreciate them for who they truly are. That way we are truly celebrating excellence without putting down another. When we compare we may forget to see their uniqueness.

9) Don’t miss the moment – As much as the compliment, the timing is also important. Say it as soon as you experience their excellence. Say someone won an award and if you wish them after 3 months, even when you had the chance to wish them the same day …!!!

10) And then stop – Anything in excess loses its credibility. Saying the same thing in different variations isn’t effective. In fact, it makes people think that there’s no depth or content in the compliment. So, it’s good to know when to stop just as well.

As much as it is a joy to receive a compliment, there is just as much in giving a compliment and lighting up someone’s day too. Intent is always right behind a compliment. Getting it right hence, becomes easy. There could be more things to make a good compliment a cherished experience. Feel free to share. And, have a wonderful day ahead!

Advertisements

Even God can’t what you ‘won’t’ for yourself!

What is prayer? Prayer is a positive affirmation – seeking positive energies from the universe around us. Sometimes, when we pray we ask for things, wishes to be fulfilled. What we may not realize, is most of the things that we pray for, are very much within our reach to make it happen. Every time we pray, do we ask ourselves, what can I do to make it happen?

For example: We can pray to God for good health. However, God can’t help us any more than we can help ourselves by staying physically active. If we neglect our health while it is good and pray to God to keep us healthy, it won’t work. We have to do our bit of eating healthy, sleeping healthy and thinking healthy in order to stay healthy. We sometimes wish for miracles to happen, without doing our bit.

There was a man who prayed everyday religiously, “God please grant me a hundred thousand rupees in a lottery ticket”. The god was so touched by his devotion. He said, “Your wish is granted”. The next day, the man was waiting for the good news. But nothing happened. Slightly disappointed, the man again asked God for the hundred thousand rupees. God assured him. Days passed. In spite of his prayers and God’s assurances, he did not get the money. He was so annoyed that he started quarrelling with God. God smiled and said, “For me to grant the wish, you have to buy the lottery ticket first’.

Likewise,

God can’t give you the job you haven’t applied for
God can’t bless you with the talent that you haven’t tried for
God can’t fulfil your dream that you haven’t worked for
God can’t give you a cure or an answer that you aren’t ready for
God can’t create a good-will for you that you haven’t earned
God can’t heal a relation that you don’t respect
God can’t make you happy unless you are grateful for all that you have already

You can visit all the holy places in the world and yet not find what you hoped for. Because what you have been looking for is right within you. Do all that you are ‘supposed to do’, and all that you ‘can do’ for yourself and those around you. And then turn to God. You’ll find God wherever you turn.

If we can’t be kind to a person in need, we are wasting an opportunity that He has given. If we can’t talk good about the people we meet, we are wasting time reciting His prayers. If we can’t see the goodness around us and appreciate it, we are wasting time decorating His idol that we created while not appreciating His creation.

It is incongruent to pray every day on one hand and talk bad and do bad on the other hand. Anything that we say or do is accounted for and prayer cannot take away the bad that we accumulate by thinking bad, talking bad or doing bad. The only hope of prayer is that it may motivate us to lead better lives at least moving forward. It may help divert some time and energy from gossip which creates negative energy to something more positive. It may help divert our mind from some unproductive thoughts, to something more soothing.

We don’t need to pray to God for something that is in our hands. Let’s do our bit and then pray. For all we know, our life itself may become a beautiful, inspiring prayer.