The solution to your problems

There is nobody or nothing in this world that can solve all our problems! So, we shouldn’t waste our time looking for that! If things are bothering us, then we are our biggest problem. Thoughts don’t come; anger doesn’t come; irritation doesn’t come to us. We create those. Since we create those, only we can remove them by removing the importance we give to ourselves.

Learn what needs to change within you to handle yourself better. Learn how you can sail through life without much resistance and have more openness! Then anyone can help. Else, no one can! We are all here for the same purpose, i.e. learning! Not flatter ourselves or our egos! If talking for hours would solve problems, we’d have no problems at all by now. Understanding yourself and breaking down your ego will help solve your problems. Look for someone who can help you dismantle your ego, not soothe it and instigate it further. Don’t look for people who are interested in listening to your problems. If anyone is interested in your problems, it is unhealthy. Look for people who are interested in YOU! Then they can guide you towards your well-being. Stop giving undue importance to yourself and your problems and expecting others also to do that. If you want to help yourself, be a good listener. Most problems are solved if you shut the mind and open your heart. 

Don’t believe that anyone can heal you or hurt you! Only you can do that for yourself. The illusions that we believe create the miseries that we experience. Detach yourself from yourself. Look at yourself from a far off place – we are all a small speck of dirt! Nothing more! We have a temporary abode. Then how can our problems have a permanent residence? It’s a short life. The choice we have is to either live in the illusion of misery or experience freedom. Don’t look for long term associations with therapists. Don’t create dependencies that chain you to believing that you are insufficient or good because someone reinforces that for you.

You are the creator’s creation, and He has made no mistake in creating you. It is left up to you to recognise the innate goodness in you and around you. Be open to learning from everyone without chaining or getting chained. It’s okay to fall. But never choose to stay down. You may need momentary help to get back on your feet. But don’t expect anyone to teach you how to walk all over again just because you fell. Your fall has given you more experience yourself if you are open to learning from your mistakes. Avoid feeling sorry for yourself. You don’t need it. All of life is an experience. The monsters and the heroes of your life are all your creation. Exaggerated perceptions create exaggerated effects on us. We kill mosquitoes and ants, which doesn’t affect us as much – because they are tiny creations, perhaps. But even if someone hurts us, it affects us a lot. Because we have a larger than life, exaggerated perception of ourselves. It doesn’t help! Imagine if we look at ourselves as ants or that speck of dirt, most problems wouldn’t even arise. When we minimise everything else, we maximise our awareness. When we maximise our awareness, we develop the ability to view everything in perspective. That’s when you solve all your problems yourself!

If you observe what you feel, it will pass.

If you identify with what you feel, it will affect you. 

No one can hurt you. They can only make you get in touch with the hurt that’s already within you!

No one can irritate you. They can only make you realise the irritation that’s already within you!

No one can make you feel loved. They can only make you recognise the love that’s already within you. 

No one can make you feel anything that isn’t already a part of you. If you are feeling it, it is already within you. They just helped you get in touch with what’s within. Thank them for it!

If you don’t like what you are feeling, change what’s within you! Then no matter what happens outside, what you feel inside will be what you want to feel.

Your thirst for knowledge may not be of much use

Knowledge is not power unless we have this other thing :

Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: Knowledge is not power unless you have this https://anchor.fm/narmadarao/episodes/Knowledge-is-not-power-unless-you-have-this-e12tbe1

One thing that matters for sure to anyone

The hair that you comb and color will break and fall.

The body that you nourish and exercise will stink even if you don’t bathe for a day.

The perfume that you spray, can’t mask the smell that you have beyond a point!

Your most branded belongings will also be rags one day!

Your ego only serves to getting you hurt or illusioned and nothing else!

No matter how beautiful your name, you will be referred to as “the body” once you die.

No one cares if it was a fit body or a fat body!

If it was a fair body or a dark one.

If it had hair or didn’t, 

If the hair was white or black.

The only thing, that doesn’t rot, fall, break or decompose is your kindness and goodness

that you leave behind as your footprint. 

Nothing else matters! 

Have you taken care of it today?

How many lives have you touched positively today?

And no, it’s not by advising. 🙂

There are no good deeds?!

Should you search for yourself?

We have access to more than what we need today. And yet we feel incomplete. We have a lot but yet, the heart searches for something. Many are in search of something, some are in search of finding out themselves, who they are! It’s a great question. Ramana Maharshi, a great Indian philosopher, and saint also said, the most important question to ask ourselves is, “Who am I?” Constantly discovering ourselves and avoiding getting too attached to any of the labels, judgments, roles, or identities that we don in life. I think it’s a powerful search. 

In the process of this search, how are you being is worth considering perhaps? If one is irritable, impatient, judgmental about the rest, this search might take a mighty long time. And it might create a lot of chaos for self and others. Are we being grateful for whatever we already have in the pursuit of what we want to find? If not, we may be completely missing the point. Without gratitude, we not only miss understanding how beautiful this life is and misunderstand people but also go further away from finding anything meaningful or worth finding. 

To find abundance, one needs to be tuned to abundance, and believe in abundance. Likewise, to find anything, you gotta appreciate and believe in it. Our subconscious mind is more powerful than anything else. It will help you find only what you believe in. If you believe in miracles, it’ll help you locate more miracles. If you believe in the devil, it will help you find more of it. If you are fearful of what you may find, if you are resistant to opening up to the truth, you might just find more masks to shy away from it. 

If you are too particular and have too many criteria on how you want to find what you want to find, then there’s an implication: 

• If you are already sure of what it is
• If you are unable to appreciate other lives and others’ efforts around you
• If you see people as a hindrance to your search
• If you feel you need something else other than what you have

You are complicating the entire process.

For a seeker who is keen, every situation, every interaction, and every person is seen as an opportunity to further their search. They are open, kind, and considerate. 

A dismissive mindset unfortunately dismisses the very thing that you are searching for from right under your nose. 

In a quest to find something that you don’t understand, know, or have, don’t be dismissive of all the people, and blessings that you already have. It might just be a regret later. All of life is designed to help us find what we need. So, we can’t wish for all of it to go away.

May you find what you are searching for, and may you cherish what you already have. 

What are you reflecting to the world?

How to overcome the fear of self-expression

Think of the significant people in your life – at home, work, or friends. Do you freely express yourself? Or do you shy away from it? Has it become a repetitive pattern that you simply swallow things instead of telling them what you actually feel? People who don’t express themselves – don’t do so because they fear hurting others. Or getting hurt themselves because they label themselves as sensitive. They feel it would be a point of least damage if they don’t open the can-of-worms called self-expression. They may have either personally had bad experiences in the past or seen stories where expressing oneself had only led to more harm than good- thus making them believe that it is not important to express themselves. 

Imagine you ate food one day, and it didn’t agree with you – would you stop eating altogether? No! You may not eat the same food again but you won’t stop eating right! You’ll find other things to eat.

Imagine you find it painful to pass your stools. So much so that the thought itself is scary. Would you stop passing stools? No! You’ll find a medication or some home remedies to help sort the matter.

Imagine you cut your hand while cooking one day. Would you stop cooking after that? No! You’d be more careful!

When bad things happen, we learn better ways of doing it. Not stop engaging with them altogether. Why? Because our life depends on all of them. When it comes to expression why do we not go forward with the same sense of courage and learning? Because it is not life-threatening! Because we expect others to adjust, and people do too, to a large extent. It works for us to be that way. Hence, we choose the easy way out here. However, that causes damage to you in the long run. It’s like stopping yourself from passing stools because of pain – your body will become toxic. Likewise, not expressing can make you toxic in ways that you cannot imagine. If you don’t have feelings and hence don’t express, that’s different. But if you do have and you don’t express, then it can cause outbursts, irritation, allergies, and other health disorders in the long run. Because you are holding yourself back, it affects your mind and body slowly and steadily. You are stopping the process of life from flowing freely due to your fears.

Relationships haven’t failed because people expressed themselves. Relationships failed because people didn’t know how to express themselves in ways that were healthy and helpful. The trick lies in learning how to express. 

– For one, don’t hold others responsible for your misery. 

-Secondly, don’t express your opinion ‘as if’ it is a fact. Leave room for a conversation to happen.

-Be open to listening empathetically.

-Avoid making value judgments and character assassinations. 

-Express your desires and feelings as ‘your need’, not ‘their obligation’. 

-Have pleasantness in your tone. No one likes hearing an irritated or angry voice. 

No one needs to take our shit really! If they do, it’s necessary that we be grateful to them. And not expect them to continue that way. 

An expression is less about your past and more about your present. Everyone has stories from the past. But some of us chose to become prisoners of it and make choices that make us feel more like victims or others like villains (or even vice-versa). In doing so, we are complicating our present and compromising our current relationships for something that’s already over. We may be chaining ourselves so much that we are unable to accept or appreciate the love that comes our way. We might even shy away from it fearing all the other responsibilities that come along with it. Like being loving in turn, getting out of our shell, and being there for someone beyond our comfort at times. Hence, even if we aren’t good at something today, it’s worth learning sometimes rather than giving up always. 

How to protect yourself from getting hurt

It is one of the first things that we develop about ourselves. It gives us a sense of who we are, and a sense of defence or protection from potential attacks! But ironically, this is the thing that actually breaks us, hurts us, brings us down, affects our relationships, and eats up our capacity to love too! This thing that we give much importance than it ever actually deserved – this thing called EGO!

The people who don’t tend to get affected by other people’s comments, remarks, attacks etc are the self-assured ones who never gave any prominence to the ego. What could anyone possibly take from a person who doesn’t have anything that can be taken? That’s the belief in self that a self-assured person has! It’s unflinching, unwavering, resolute and gives confidence to others around them too. It commands respect from most people automatically. And people believe people who believe in themselves. People break people who believe in egos. Because that’s the power we have given them when we create a fake bubble that is fragile enough to be broken. It’s not that they intended to break it. But since it’s a bubble, it’s so fragile that it can easily be broken. 

A few signs that we may be feeding our ego are:

• If we get affected by feedback
• If we get agitated when someone misbehaves with us
• If we keep thinking of past quarrels and how else we should’ve given it back to them
• If we get hurt easily
• If we engage in behaviours out of fear of getting hurt
• If we are super guarded about ourselves
• If we try to prove a point
• If we are not flexible and have our own rigid ways of thinking and seeing the world
• If we are not open to considering other’s views unless they prove themselves 
• If we are open to only a few people whom we think are worthy
• If we find it not so easy to appreciate others in as many words 

And more!

A few signs that we are self-assured are:

• We tend to be more amused with people’s comments than get affected or angered.
• We don’t try to prove ourselves or our point. 
• We are open to considering others views irrespective of their background or familiarity
• We don’t have too many rules for others’ existence
• We don’t lose it because someone did not ‘listen’ to us
• Even if someone misbehaves, we see it as their behaviour rather than a personal attack 
• We do what we love to do without feeling awkward about what other’s might think of us
• We exist freely and we give room for others too
• We are flexible 
• We don’t measure people by standards
• We are ready to take feedback without getting into a feeling of being threatened or attacked
• We know how to be happy since we don’t carry too many monkeys 

Self-assured people hence are lighter in life. Not too many monkeys to carry based on others’ perceptions and behaviours. No big deal of getting hurt because it’s only the ego that can get hurt. Not the heart, which is always open. You see them more cool and even-tempered. They neither think too much of themselves nor others. They appreciate people’s excellence and uniqueness without comparing themselves or putting themselves down. They know how to appreciate their own uniqueness too. They believe there’s enough space for each person to exist in this world without having to compete and prove one over the other. Competition is in a healthy spirit – not to prove or disprove.

When you get things right, if you build your ego instead of confidence, then there develops a fear of not getting it right the next time. However, if you are self-assured, you won’t be overly affected by rights and wrongs as you are always ready to learn. And you see the larger picture of life where we are just a small speck of dirt. Right or wrong, successful or not, that aspect of us doesn’t change!

So, how do we achieve that state? By reminding ourselves every time we feel hurt that it is the ego that’s taking that ride, not the heart. The more we call it out for ourselves, the easier it gets for us to not engage with it. The more we give it importance, the more it takes prominence. The only way you can beat it is by calling it out each time. Question your understanding and expand your thinking. There’s always more than what we know. If we remind ourselves to be humble every day as we wake up, the heart will help us overcome the ego. So much of love gets lost in translation because of our ego. It doesn’t preserve us in any way. In fact, it creates reasons to be broken each day. Find an example around you of a self-assured person. Observe how they think, how they react, and how they conduct themselves. Anytime when you find yourself in an egoistic territory, quickly ask yourself how would that inspiration of yours respond in this situation. And you’ll find your answers to get there. The heart is never afraid of being hurt. It always knows it can heal. It is the ego that is afraid of being hurt. Because it gets broken!