The relationship that I have with myself seems to be the mother of all relationships. It not only determines my happiness factor, but also determines the quality of relationships that I have with those around me.
Be it in Psychology, NLP or scriptures, we’ve often heard that what we see in others is true of ourselves, somehow, somewhere! Similarly, what we see in our relationships with others is often an extension of the relationship that we have with ourselves. At times, it may so happen that one has a very good relationship with someone outside of them even though they may not have that great a relationship with themselves. However, the deal with that is, their happiness may be dependent on the success of that relationship. God forbid, if something goes wrong in that relationship, their happiness bubble might burst instantly. It is like – you owning your television but giving the remote in the hands of your neighbour. Whereas, when you establish a relationship with yourself, you’d find it easier to extend that harmonious relationship with others and also, be able to maintain your internal state. Essentially, this is like owning your television and the remote too. When you go inward to develop a relationship with yourself, you get comfortable in your own skin and approach other relationships with ease and confidence. And it is this confidence in yourself that wins you the confidence of others too!
The question is “how do we establish this relationship with self?” One of the key ingredients to any relationship is communication. And it is not any different for this one too. Do you talk and listen to yourself? You may find it amusing if you aren’t conscious of these conversations with yourself but I think we all do talk to ourselves in different places, different times and in different ways. The tone, quality and extent of these conversations may differ and these determine the quality of the relationship that you have with yourself. For example, if your body is signalling sleep, thirst, hunger, fullness or any other feeling or emotion – do you acknowledge it? Is the tone in which you speak to yourself, kind, loving and patient? Do you talk to yourself in a way that empowers you and uplifts your spirits? What do you say to yourself often and how do you say it? There could be deep revelations when we explore some of these aspects.
To begin with, what do you do when you come across someone you know? You acknowledge their presence, maintain eye contact and greet them with a smile. Why should it be any different when you wake up each morning and look at yourself in the mirror? You are your most familiar face. Acknowledging and greeting yourself pleasantly each morning is a wonderful way to start the day. Eye contact with yourself is as important as it is with others. It all begins with the eyes and goes within.
For building any relationship, we need time and communication. And this is surely a worthwhile investment. Continue to talk, continue spending time – to build that single greatest and deepest relationship with yourself as that is going to last you till the very end of your time. An enriched relationship with self , enhances the quality of relationships with others too. So, happy journey! 🙂