7th anniversary special :D

7 years and counting. Today it is 7 years since I published my first blog. When I started, I had no idea how long or how many will I post. But that’s the beauty. I covered the distance unknowingly, and effortlessly. Without anticipation, life seems to go more seamlessly. When we anticipate, there’s too much that goes into planning, and most of the planning is often around what might go wrong. We complicate simple things. When I look back, I see the transitions.

• Initially, I used to never post unless it was proofread by someone, to make it error proof. After sometime, I figured mistakes aren’t going to kill me. I was more open to learning from my mistakes rather than being hell bent on preventing them or perfecting something. I realised I was able to flow freely when I did that.
• In the initial days, I used to wonder how many reads, how many likes, what should I do to get more traffic. Today, I post because it feels like my diary of sorts, albeit an open one. Anyone who wants can read. So there’s no inner noise about numbers and views.
• I used to compare with others too, when I was new. I used to wonder how someone else was getting more traffic than mine. Today, I am not looking at anything else. I am just very focused on what I want to do and giving it my best. I found my love for writing. And everything else is just a blur.
• I used to think I was as good as the likes and views that I got. Today, I realise that everything is a perspective. Mine is one, a like or a dislike is one. Perspectives are perspectives. There are no goods and bads in it. Unless we use them in counterproductive ways. There’s a free state of mind.
• The biggest thing I realised is to keep going. Sometimes I know where, sometimes I don’t know too. But I keep going. I have reached here today. When someone first told me write a 150 blogs, it seemed like a mountain of a task. Today I don’t even realise how I moved past the numbers to reach where I have reached today.
• Last year I embarked on a challenge to write everyday. I did so for 100 days. It was a huge learning for me. I got the structure of commitment and discipline that even today helps me in so many different areas of my life.

My learning is, just to focus on one step at a time. One day at a time. Trusting myself. Being in touch with why I do what I do. And to challenge myself regularly. That’s all! The rest will be taken care of.

Thank you for stopping by and reading. Thank you for your feedback. It’s very kind of you to do so. It’s a diary that has connected me to the world that was earlier beyond my reach. Thank you for staying connected. 🙂

You are here because you chose to be!

This is one of the most powerful sentences! I am sure many of you would have read this sentence or something on similar lines before. When I read it, it was like as if my entire life just paused for a minute and I floated above it to see – that I am here because I chose to be. So, everything that is happening, that has happened, and that will happen is for me. Exclusively for me! And there’s nothing good or bad. There’s just intense, less intense, or highly intense moments that each offer me something valuable. When I call it good and bad, I may be discriminating and hence, willing to learn, observe and gain from it. When I just see it, I notice the intensity of something, without calling it this or that, and I remind myself – I am here because I chose to be and this is all a part of the grand plan -the silver lining becomes more predominant than the temporary cloud. 

None of us are here by accident! None of us are here by error!  There’s no point thinking what if it happened some other way. It happened this way to enable me to fulfil what I am here for. If you feel you are forced to go to a party you might not enjoy. In fact, you might find a lot of things very annoying. But if it is your party, the one that you have chosen, planned, designed and looked forward to so much – you’ll have gratitude that the party is happening, and you’ll make the most of it – whichever way. And for once, you won’t think of who created this party, why did they have you here, what good could possibly come of it, why can’t you just leave etc. You won’t find the necessity to persecute or victimise. You simply get busy in your party with gratitude – constantly doing what you need to do, reminding yourself that you are the host and everyone else are guests. You take care of yourself, the party and other things. Your constant focus will be on what best you can do to add to the party spirit, being the organizer. In your own party, that you chose, you are too occupied getting it together to be focused on feeling anything else that is less desirable. If there’s a power failure, you light up the place with candles. If there are no candles, you create a game to give light in that darkness. If you lose the game, you laugh and try again, or try something else.  

At the end of it, you will be happy with yourself for choosing to be here and giving it all you’ve got. Your efforts count. You know that you put in your heart and soul to it. There are no further measures to define or defy yourself as success or otherwise. You made the choice to be here, and you showed up. Claps for that!!

If you have anyways chosen to be here, why not be in full shape and form? Why play on back foot? Might as well go on front foot, and hit the ball out of the park. You’ll be happy for not just showing up, but showing up with great sense of energy and enthusiasm! You aren’t at anyone’s mercy! You are here because you chose to be! May you trust and make way for the universal energy to be with you all the way!

How to add value to the world

When we don’t take care of ourselves, we release a grumpy, hungry, hurt, angry, irritated, unhealthy animal into the world. That unhealthy animal sees itself in everyone it meets and projects its pain, sorrow, and suffering to everyone. It spreads all of it to unsuspecting others. 

A fully healed animal doesn’t run the risk of getting an infection that could later spread to the rest of the tribe. When we take care of ourselves, we roam freely, like a happy one. A happy one spreads happiness to others. Wherever it goes, people don’t run in fear. People rejoice. People make merry. 

Whatever might be your skills, talents, and achievements, a hungry, angry, unhealthy, wild animal is a threat despite all its blessings. Imagine a rich, successful animal with designer clothes, expensive perfume, in a luxury car, with an expensive phone, and precious shoes – with a brain that is super stressed, a heart that is fragile, and a body that is delicate. Except for the ego, nothing else is solid. The animal might constantly live in the fear of ‘what if my car gets scratched, shoes get dirty, clothes get stained, the phone stops working’ and above all – ‘What must people be thinking of me?’ Despite all luxuries, talents, and comforts, the animal is uncomfortable and projects its own fears onto every single being it meets. 

And think of this other, so-called, selfless being. Tirelessly working for everyone else and has no time to take care of itself. It runs day and night, fights tooth and nail, but burns out quickly and soon falls ill. Now it feels guilty. It feels it should’ve taken better care of itself when it still had health. Now forget taking care of others, it can’t even take care of itself. Bitter feelings arise about the same others whom it spent all its time nourishing. Imagine, if this being had taken care of itself as it was taking care of the rest of the world. Today there’d be 2 happy parties. 

Hence, it is not in taking care of others but in taking care of yourself first that you take care of the world in the most effective way. And if you are not taking care of yourself, you are putting the world at greater risk, my friend! Trying to find happiness by helping others won’t work unless we learn to help ourselves first. What I see outside of me, is because that’s what is true inside of me. If you want the world to be beautiful, kind, and friendly, you have to be that first. Otherwise, no matter how much others recognize you and your strengths, you’ll still be broken by a small gust of wind or criticism. Even love will threaten you if you don’t understand the language of love. So, take care of yourself, strengthen your core every day. Know your strengths, love yourself, be there for yourself. 

Why 99 is important to celebrate

I started a challenge on April 5th, 2020 for myself – a discipline challenge, a flexibility challenge, a thought challenge – to write something every day. The first few days were easy. I had enough thoughts to say. About 30 days later, I was thinking to myself, did I over-commit? What could I possibly write about every day? Then I thought – if I am alive and living, I’ll always have something to ponder about. As long as I am alive, I couldn’t possibly run out of things to say. With that confidence, I continued. I didn’t have an end date or a goal per se. I only challenged to write and see how far I can go with it. Today’s is my 99th post. While one part of me said let’s celebrate the 100th tomorrow, another part of me said, let’s celebrate the 99th today. Why 99? Why not wait for a 100? Well, that’s the thing. I am glad I reached here today. If I were to cease to exist tomorrow, at least I would’ve announced I am here today. Why am I being so dramatic? Death is not drama. Death is real. As real as life itself. I am excited today about tomorrow. And hence celebrating today too. 🙂

It is not the end achievement but the pursuit of a goal that gives meaning to our life. 

When we celebrate small wins, we don’t become complacent. We become even more confident. 

I challenged myself only in terms of writing. But today, I am disciplined in some other areas of my life too. Any change that you make to yourself in any context will inspire and influence your behaviors in other contexts too. The kick of sticking to your word, the delight of living unto a commitment, gives such a high, you don’t seek any external validation anymore. You are validating yourself because you see yourself as capable. There are no small wins. Every effort needs to be noticed and celebrated because it shows that you haven’t given up. It is easy to celebrate milestones. But it is important to celebrate the efforts in between that led you to your milestone.

At times, people are pursuing a life without confidence. With anxieties and fears. A simple way to beat those is when you applaud yourself for your efforts. It doesn’t matter even if you miss here and there, keep the focus on getting back. Not on punishing for what was missed. I randomly started one fine day – and look at the divine coincidence – today, my 99th daily-post also happens to coincide with the 7 year anniversary of the company that I co-founded – Master Yourself Academy. When we are willing, more such divine coincidences happen. More miracles come your way.
7 years of transforming lives and adding meaning. My gratitude to all our thousands of delegates these last 7 years for trusting us and being a part of our extended family. You came to learn and helped us learn a lot in the process too. 

It didn’t really matter how many viewed or how many liked it because I was writing to fulfill my commitment. It was such a shift! When you are clear on your objective, most other things don’t seem to matter anymore. Doing something for yourself gives you the courage to keep going. I never used to post anything unless someone else had proofread my writing in the past. But the last 99 days were different. I had to post. There was no time to waste in the frivolous pursuit of perfection. Like Richard Bach says, “Perfection is an illusion.” Progress was important. I am getting better every day because I am continuing to do it. That’s what matters. Continue or cease? The goal, end state, nothing was clear. Neither is it even now. Discipline was what was my focus and that is what I have today. Super happy for it. Tomorrow maybe 100. But I am happy for the 99 today and looking forward to the 100. Not waiting to be happy when I reach 100. 

Thank you dear readers for reading and liking my posts. I have at times seen that we like someone’s work if they like our work too. But you all have been absolutely large-hearted in your acceptance of my work. I am grateful to you for such unconditional acceptance.   Truly humbled!

I am now thinking if I should reduce the frequency of posting. But haven’t decided yet. Maybe instead of every day, I’ll get down to one every 2 or 3 days. They say excess of anything isn’t good. So, as I revisit, I am happy to have come this far. Creating new content every single day has been quite a challenge sometimes. But I loved the challenge. Giving up was never an option. And that’s what got me here today in this shape and form. Thanks a bunch, everyone! Sending my best wishes to you! May your kindness stand you in good stead always!

Love and best wishes,
Narmada

http://www.masteryourself.in

Do you know who you are becoming?

Whether you want it or not, whether you like it not, you are turning into that person whom you have a lot of emotions for – doesn’t matter whether it is love or hate. The more intense the emotion, the more likely you are becoming that person unconsciously. 

Ironically, for a lot of humans, negative emotions are held much stronger than positive emotions. For example, dislike for someone might be much more intense than love for someone. In which case, we might time out to become the one whom we dislike more than the one whom we like or idolize – if our negative emotions are stronger and more intense that is. 

Similarly, what or who do you talk about most often. People who inspire you or people who irritate you? Incidents that make you better or things that annoy you. 

What do you think of most often?

• Your misfortunes or your blessings?
• The strengths that helped you survive or what you don’t like in yourself?
• Your mistakes or your learnings.
• About your problems or finding solutions?

Whatever you do more of, is what you’ll be more of, find more of. Your present is determining your future. Not your past. The choices that you are making in the present, in terms of what you are paying attention to, what you are thinking about, and what you most often talk about is shaping who you are becoming. Watch out! And pay attention to what you are paying attention to!

Is it okay to be mean if you mean well?

Some people talk good on your face and talk bad behind your back. It is good to watch out for those.

There are others who talk bad on your face and make you feel really guilty and shitty but talk good behind your back. They pull down your confidence and put you in ignorance about your own good – although unintentional. It damages a person’s self-image badly as you never hear about the good – unless by sheer accident. And the bad that you keep hearing constantly is good enough to pull you down. So be aware of the “good intending bad words”!! And if you happen to be one of those “good intenders with bad words” – please reconsider immediately. Don’t damage people’s image and expect them to build themselves. Help people do things with joy in their lives. Failures and setbacks are anyways a part of life. We don’t have to add to it by making a person feel bad. For sure there are plenty of examples where a bad word kindled a great response or realisation in people to achieve big things. People who achieve success this way continue to be bitter despite their success. But there are also people who have done wonders for themselves and the world because there was one person who constantly believed in them. 

When you can be that strength for a person, why choose to be anything a source of discouragement? People don’t always have to feel miserable to learn. They can learn healthily when they are in a healthy state of mind. And when they achieve things this way, they also stay grounded and humble for that one person who always believed in them. They try to be the guiding light for others around them too. The touch of love is like a magic spell. Let’s cast that spell in abundance for the people around us. 

It’s not that we should never talk to a person about something that they have not done right, but ensure that we strike a balance. If we constantly are critical of people, we should be mindful of how we may be pulling them down. However, if we are able to strike a balance and appreciate them more often than being critical, then we are helping a person build themselves in a positive fashion. And when a person is feeling loved, they are ready to love others too.

You may be doing a grave injustice by being mean to people (no matter how unintentional) by hiding or not appreciating a person’s goodness even after you noticed it. It leaves us with a lot to regret if life were to end abruptly since we never got to communicate the good things to them. We can all do with some kindness and love. 🙂

Are you invisible?

Are you choosing to be invisible in life? Are you convincing yourself that you don’t need to be noticed and you don’t have it in you to get noticed? You couldn’t be further away from the truth. 

No matter how small, how insignificant, how unimportant we are, none of us should ever downplay ourselves by choosing to be invisible. A small smile from you can make a person rethink their suicide plan, or give relief from their feeling of not being cared for. A simple acknowledgment from your end can make a person feel noticed and worth their life. An appreciation from your end can make someone feel their efforts are valued and might motivate them to do better.  

When we focus on our pain, our life, our misfortunes, or our lack of confidence, and our fears, we’ll never be able to overcome them. To notice another, we need to shift our focus from ourselves. If I am choosing to be invisible, I may be self-obsessed, since I may be spending all my time only thinking of my own fears and discomfort. Life will grow gloomier by the day, no solutions will ever be good enough, and life will never feel worth it. Instead, if we focus on others every once in a while, we’ll notice how lonely or thankless their lives might be and consider adding to the quality of their existence. 

There are so many true stories of how a casual smile, or a simple hello from a random person has made someone feel worthy of themselves again or at least given them the hope to approach someone for hope again. The only way to find the strength to deal with your problems is when you stop obsessing over your own and look at others’ too. Think about the security person at your apartment or office, think about the cleaners, think about so many people who are constantly contributing in their own ways towards making you feel safe, secure, and clean. Know their names, remember their names, enquire about their well-being. Appreciate those at home, notice the small things that they do for you and thank them. The more you give these small gifts to others, the more you will receive too. The more you receive, the more you understand the value of life and the simple gestures. You don’t have to move mountains to change the world. You just have to smile and stop trying to be invisible. No one will care for you if you don’t care about yourself. Just as well, no one will care for you if you care too much about yourself too! The fact that you are here and alive today means your presence is essential for the world. Which means you cannot and should choose to be invisible or insignificant. 

Take a chance, put yourself out there. Even if you get hurt, the universe will send someone again to help you heal. When you get hurt, you understand the importance of not hurting others. When you feel judged, you understand you shouldn’t be judging too. Life is offering valuable lessons. Don’t hide! Put yourself out there and live life king size. You’ll have yourself to be thankful for, whenever your life ends! To go through good things in life without being thankful is the most ungrateful thing we could do! And the worst thing you could do for yourself when life is about to end is to regret that you never lived! 

It doesn’t require talent, intellect, great knowledge, money or power to make a positive contribution to the world. It takes a grateful heart, pleasant face and kind words! That’s all! That isn’t much, is it?

Gifting ideas and their effects

Imagine this –

It’s a loved one’s birthday, so you wanted to give them something. There are several ways to go about it (nothing right or wrong. Different strokes for different folks, as they say):

1. Give them money and ask them to buy whatever they want
2. Ask them what they want and buy it
3. Put in a lot of thought and effort and buy something for them

And, there are several ways of giving it too –

1. Hand it over to them saying happy birthday
2. Keep it on the table and ask them to take it
3. Gift-wrap it and present it to them
4. Make the moment so memorable by presenting it in a way that makes them feel special (Note: This doesn’t involve moving mountains. It only involves making a moment special).

Here’s what they do with the gift-

1. They take it and thank you for it
2. They like it so they keep it
3. They don’t like it much so they recycle it or exchange it
4. It’s not about the gift but the way you give was so memorable that they cherish it for a lifetime.

Likewise, when you appreciate — there are several ways of doing it:

• You say, ‘good job’ and leave it at that
• You talk about yourself and how they remind you of yourself
• You list out their qualities — like loving, kind, intelligent, adorable, etc.
• You tell them what they are good at and what they can do better
• You appreciate them with all your heart, listing not only their qualities but also the incidents with them that you remember the most. And let them know what that means to you or the positive effect they had on you

This could be their possible responses:

• Respond with ‘thank you’ but never really know what you appreciated in them.
• They might feel it as a compliment or not depending on how much they look up to you.
• They thank you but might not know where and how you saw the qualities so they may not internalize and remember. They may just remain as some words.
• They are more likely to remember your advice and might not remember that you also appreciated them.
• Even if they ever forget what you said, they’ll always remember how you made them feel special. It will be a memorable experience.

So, what would you wanna do?

Why your excellence is unable to connect you with people?

Have you ever wondered why sometimes people fail to notice your excellence? Why they fail to celebrate it or wish to be a part of it? It can be disheartening at times but worry not! This could be the missing link.

At times, what we tend to do is use our excellence alone as a point to connect with others. That’s the one that disconnects people from us the most. It’s tough to be around someone who’s all the time about them and their excellence in some shape and form. Your excellence shouldn’t be such that it would prevent or intimidate others from connecting with you. It should be such that it endears others to connect with you and learn from you. So, here are a few things that we can focus on:

1. Genuinely be involved with people on a regular basis 
2. Truly notice and celebrate others’ excellence often
3. Be aware of your excellence – not arrogant about it
4. Don’t use your excellence as a reason to look down on others or insist them to learn from it. That’s when people get put off by it.
5. Don’t advise often 
6. Be a humble listener, even if you know what they are talking about (which means don’t sit with an ‘I know’ face. Sit with an ‘I hear you’ face).
7. Stop expecting everyone to rise up to you. Each have their own something that’s better than yours. So, respect uniqueness. 
8. See how your excellence can be used in any shape and form for the larger benefit of others too. Every excellence is a blessing.

My mentor once told me this sentence that I can never forget – It’s better to be an ordinary person with extraordinary talent rather than being an extraordinary person. I never knew that distinction until then. It struck me that being an extraordinary person will not allow people to connect with us. And the bottom line is – we are all ordinary people outside of our talents. And ordinary is awesome! Ordinary is normal. Ordinary is necessary. There is only so much of newness or surprise you can handle from life even. There is a certain amount of normal or common that humans need. That’s what keeps us connected as humanity. Always strive for excellence – but let that not be a point of disconnect. Excellence is inspiring when you are understandable, not exclusive. 

When will life change for the better?

When you don’t get desperate to change what’s outside of you, when you don’t try to avoid it or escape, when you stop resisting it and fighting with it, when you stop finding fault with it to the extent that you can’t coexist with it – that’s when it’ll start changing for the better. That’s when you’ll be able to influence a change better too! Ask yourself, ‘What should I develop within myself so that I can compassionately look at this situation and influence it better?’

When you can observe it with amusement, when you give yourself the choice to be yourself no matter what’s happening outside, when your state isn’t controlled by the events outside, that’s when things start to sort themselves out. When you feel bad, ask yourself – ‘is it worth feeling bad about this if this was my last day on earth! What would I rather want to do, if this was the last moment and I just had these in front of me?’

When you stop laying conditions for your happiness, when you work happily towards your dreams without waiting to be happy till those dreams come true, that’s when life starts working in your favour. Don’t keep measuring results, keep track of your efforts. Ask yourself, ‘Am I doing all that I can, and all that I should?’

When you love and accept yourself without waiting to be accepted by others, that’s when you are most accepted by others. That’s when you’ll truly find yourself in great company and with a beautiful capacity to love others too. Always ask yourself, ‘Am I truly being grateful enough?’