7th anniversary special :D

7 years and counting. Today it is 7 years since I published my first blog. When I started, I had no idea how long or how many will I post. But that’s the beauty. I covered the distance unknowingly, and effortlessly. Without anticipation, life seems to go more seamlessly. When we anticipate, there’s too much that goes into planning, and most of the planning is often around what might go wrong. We complicate simple things. When I look back, I see the transitions.

• Initially, I used to never post unless it was proofread by someone, to make it error proof. After sometime, I figured mistakes aren’t going to kill me. I was more open to learning from my mistakes rather than being hell bent on preventing them or perfecting something. I realised I was able to flow freely when I did that.
• In the initial days, I used to wonder how many reads, how many likes, what should I do to get more traffic. Today, I post because it feels like my diary of sorts, albeit an open one. Anyone who wants can read. So there’s no inner noise about numbers and views.
• I used to compare with others too, when I was new. I used to wonder how someone else was getting more traffic than mine. Today, I am not looking at anything else. I am just very focused on what I want to do and giving it my best. I found my love for writing. And everything else is just a blur.
• I used to think I was as good as the likes and views that I got. Today, I realise that everything is a perspective. Mine is one, a like or a dislike is one. Perspectives are perspectives. There are no goods and bads in it. Unless we use them in counterproductive ways. There’s a free state of mind.
• The biggest thing I realised is to keep going. Sometimes I know where, sometimes I don’t know too. But I keep going. I have reached here today. When someone first told me write a 150 blogs, it seemed like a mountain of a task. Today I don’t even realise how I moved past the numbers to reach where I have reached today.
• Last year I embarked on a challenge to write everyday. I did so for 100 days. It was a huge learning for me. I got the structure of commitment and discipline that even today helps me in so many different areas of my life.

My learning is, just to focus on one step at a time. One day at a time. Trusting myself. Being in touch with why I do what I do. And to challenge myself regularly. That’s all! The rest will be taken care of.

Thank you for stopping by and reading. Thank you for your feedback. It’s very kind of you to do so. It’s a diary that has connected me to the world that was earlier beyond my reach. Thank you for staying connected. 🙂

What it takes to be a good leader

Leadership is not an exclusive concept to be learned. It is an inclusive idea to be imbibed.

Sometimes, people want to learn about leadership but are not ready to be leaders. They are enamored by the concept of being a leader. But when it comes to being, it feels outside of their comfort zone. One can’t be a leader because one wants to feel powerful and call shots for others. One can at best, become a manager. However, you automatically become a leader if your attention is compassionately on others and their well-being. After working with several leaders who have been inspirational, here are some of the common traits that I have seen in of them.

1. Leaders are constantly ready to step outside of their comfort zone. They are ready to be there for others. They aren’t scared of making mistakes because they are ever ready to learn. They are humble to apologise. The rest who aren’t able to become leaders are usually once bitten, twice shy. They feel bitter about past experiences and are too scared to make further mistakes. So, they tend to play it safe. They pay more emphasis on their projection than being face to face with reality. 

2. A leader thinks of what’s in it for everyone. They think of win-win at all times. A wise person once said, give anything to a person for free twice, and you’ll know their true nature. Leaders naturally have it in them to make sure that others win along with them. Whether it is services, goods, or help, they wouldn’t claim free rights even if they are offered. If they need it, they ensure they adequately compensate the other person for it in due course. If they can’t compensate for the other person’s time and efforts, they don’t avail it in the first place.
   
3. Leaders are resilient and flexible. They aren’t afraid to try new ideas. They are open to listening to new ideas with great curiosity. People who lack leadership capabilities are resistant to change. They are often convinced of their own thoughts and ways of being that they find it hard to consider alternative viewpoints. 
   
4. Leaders don’t prove others wrong. They express their points of view in ways that are respectful. Not forceful. And their attention is on the point at hand and the effect of it. Not about proving or disproving ego states. Hence, people are often more agreeable with true leaders because they are aware of the finer nuances of addressing conflicts or differences in points of view with respect and due consideration to all parties concerned. 

5. Leaders are humbly confident. This, by far, is a brilliant combination. Most people are either confident or humble. But leaders are humbly confident, and that’s what makes their personality so endearing. Which means they don’t make their life and conversations all about them. They don’t give their ego too much importance. At the same time, they are confident in their skills and capabilities without letting it hit their head. They have big-picture thinking. So, life’s not all about what they think, what they need, what they can do, what people did to them, what they achieved, and what happened to them. But what’s the need of the hour, what needs to be done, and how can they get it done.

6. Leaders are good listeners. Listening without interruptions and without judgment is a key skill that great leaders have. When people enter their room, they leave feeling heard not judged. They aren’t quick to give suggestions. Instead, they help people arrive at their own answers. They believe in empowering others rather than making them dependent. They don’t believe in hearing their own voice or telling their own stories all the time. They give others a great chance to speak and demonstrate a beautiful capacity to make people feel listened to and understood.

7. Leaders remember. They don’t need reminders. They remember people. Acknowledge people of all statures and greet them with the same warmth. They get back on tasks without waiting for reminders for the most part. They know what is due from their end by when. If we can’t organise our own lives, how could we help others? Hence, great leaders are usually ahead of the game. 

8. Whether the lights are on or off, a leader is who he/she is. They are balanced in their approach not just in one platform but across different situations in their life. Being authentic and trustworthy is key.

9. The most important aspect is leaders take responsibility. They don’t throw others under the bus. They also don’t play the victim rolein life. They learn from whatever happens in life without feeling sorry for themselves or without feeling a sense of entitlement that others owe them something because of all that they went through.

10. Leaders recognise the goodness and strengths of others. They celebrate excellence without feeling threatened or intimidated. They understand they there’s enough room for everyone to freely exist and grow with their respective talents. They enable people to emerge and excel with their own talents. 

11. Great leaders also know when, how much, and how to express themselves. They express themselves with ease and charm. There’s a sense of genuineness in them. Hence, they are able to freely express their thoughts and feelings with elegance. Leaders don’t brush aside emotions. They understand the value of emotions and hence acknowledge, address, and appeal to the emotions of people around them. Emotions are the essence of humans – regardless of race, origin, and creed. If you try to overlook this aspect, you are overlooking the most critical and influential aspect of humans. And hence, you may not ever be able to have a great influence on them. Great leaders are aware of this.

12. Leaders are good at giving critical feedback in a constructive manner. Their idea is not to make a person feel bad about themselves but enable them to be better versions of themselves by connecting with their outcomes in life. Some of us state critical feedback because we are annoyed with them. So, we mostly vomit! Leaders speak! They critique healthily to enable learning. Not to vent out their frustrations on others. 

13. Leaders are visionaries. They can think ahead and see what others can’t. Their actions are not just based on the need for the day but also a view for the future which involves the larger good of others. 

14. Leaders don’t wait to be taught. They grab every opportunity to learn and implement. And a leader is not just limited to a role in an organisational set-up. Your mother could be a leader, your child could be a leader, the watchman at the gate could be a leader in his own right. A leader is anyone who doesn’t back down and seek personal comfort in challenging times. Rather, chooses to rise to the occasion and march forward doing what is necessary for any situation. A leader is a constant learner. Learning, not for the sake of showing off but the skill but to implement the needful.

Why 99 is important to celebrate

I started a challenge on April 5th, 2020 for myself – a discipline challenge, a flexibility challenge, a thought challenge – to write something every day. The first few days were easy. I had enough thoughts to say. About 30 days later, I was thinking to myself, did I over-commit? What could I possibly write about every day? Then I thought – if I am alive and living, I’ll always have something to ponder about. As long as I am alive, I couldn’t possibly run out of things to say. With that confidence, I continued. I didn’t have an end date or a goal per se. I only challenged to write and see how far I can go with it. Today’s is my 99th post. While one part of me said let’s celebrate the 100th tomorrow, another part of me said, let’s celebrate the 99th today. Why 99? Why not wait for a 100? Well, that’s the thing. I am glad I reached here today. If I were to cease to exist tomorrow, at least I would’ve announced I am here today. Why am I being so dramatic? Death is not drama. Death is real. As real as life itself. I am excited today about tomorrow. And hence celebrating today too. 🙂

It is not the end achievement but the pursuit of a goal that gives meaning to our life. 

When we celebrate small wins, we don’t become complacent. We become even more confident. 

I challenged myself only in terms of writing. But today, I am disciplined in some other areas of my life too. Any change that you make to yourself in any context will inspire and influence your behaviors in other contexts too. The kick of sticking to your word, the delight of living unto a commitment, gives such a high, you don’t seek any external validation anymore. You are validating yourself because you see yourself as capable. There are no small wins. Every effort needs to be noticed and celebrated because it shows that you haven’t given up. It is easy to celebrate milestones. But it is important to celebrate the efforts in between that led you to your milestone.

At times, people are pursuing a life without confidence. With anxieties and fears. A simple way to beat those is when you applaud yourself for your efforts. It doesn’t matter even if you miss here and there, keep the focus on getting back. Not on punishing for what was missed. I randomly started one fine day – and look at the divine coincidence – today, my 99th daily-post also happens to coincide with the 7 year anniversary of the company that I co-founded – Master Yourself Academy. When we are willing, more such divine coincidences happen. More miracles come your way.
7 years of transforming lives and adding meaning. My gratitude to all our thousands of delegates these last 7 years for trusting us and being a part of our extended family. You came to learn and helped us learn a lot in the process too. 

It didn’t really matter how many viewed or how many liked it because I was writing to fulfill my commitment. It was such a shift! When you are clear on your objective, most other things don’t seem to matter anymore. Doing something for yourself gives you the courage to keep going. I never used to post anything unless someone else had proofread my writing in the past. But the last 99 days were different. I had to post. There was no time to waste in the frivolous pursuit of perfection. Like Richard Bach says, “Perfection is an illusion.” Progress was important. I am getting better every day because I am continuing to do it. That’s what matters. Continue or cease? The goal, end state, nothing was clear. Neither is it even now. Discipline was what was my focus and that is what I have today. Super happy for it. Tomorrow maybe 100. But I am happy for the 99 today and looking forward to the 100. Not waiting to be happy when I reach 100. 

Thank you dear readers for reading and liking my posts. I have at times seen that we like someone’s work if they like our work too. But you all have been absolutely large-hearted in your acceptance of my work. I am grateful to you for such unconditional acceptance.   Truly humbled!

I am now thinking if I should reduce the frequency of posting. But haven’t decided yet. Maybe instead of every day, I’ll get down to one every 2 or 3 days. They say excess of anything isn’t good. So, as I revisit, I am happy to have come this far. Creating new content every single day has been quite a challenge sometimes. But I loved the challenge. Giving up was never an option. And that’s what got me here today in this shape and form. Thanks a bunch, everyone! Sending my best wishes to you! May your kindness stand you in good stead always!

Love and best wishes,
Narmada

http://www.masteryourself.in

What’s the difference between loving and pampering?

It’s an important question to ask ourselves regularly if we are loving or pampering people in the name of love. As much as love is great, pampering has counter-productive efforts. Watch this video to know more about the difference between love and pampering and how you can play a better role with your loved ones:

For those who want to live a more fulfilling life…

Have you imagined how would you want your life to be when you are 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 or a 100? Well, we hear quite a few wanting to retire at 40 or 50. But then I wonder, what will you do next if you retire at 40? How long will you or can you chill? But that’s not the most important question, however. What I wonder the most is, why do we want to retire at 40 itself? Are we not enjoying what we do or doing what we enjoy?

I have the huge privilege of coming across someone phenomenally inspiring in this regard. He inspires us to think, challenge ourselves and live more beautifully. He is a Padma Shri awardee (the 4th highest civilian award in India) and a Sangeet Natak academy awardee too. He knows scriptures in such great detail that it might take most of us a few lifetimes to get that kind of command. If you see him, you’ll automatically be filled with reverence. He is a living legend in Kathak (an Indian classical dance form).

 If you are wondering who is it – it is the one and only, Guru Dr. Puru Dadheech. He is 80 years young and if you see his passion and commitment to the art form, it is so inspiring and heartwarming. He is actively working towards reviving ancient Kathak which literally meant showing a katha (story) (sometimes, people think it’s about footwork and spins, but there’s much more to it). Last year, on his 80th birthday, he danced an entire 40 minutes presenting the famous ‘Kevat Prasang’ from the Ramayana. (To see his magic for real, please click on the link below. You just shouldn’t miss this dose of inspiration).

While most of us plan for retiring at 40- here’s a man who breathes his passion and pours life into an art form at 80. All in the name of true passion and dedication. He truly demonstrates that only jobs have retirement. Not passion. And it is passion that keeps us not just alive but happily, healthily and inspiringly alive. 

• We don’t move from our seats because there’s no incentive to move. So our limbs give up early on in life. 
• We miss thanking the universe for all the gifts we have because we are busy getting stressed about what we don’t have, so our heart gives up early too. 
• We don’t give ourselves enough challenges that make our brain exercise its full potential, so it goes to sleep sooner too. 

If you want your limbs to be active and functional, if you want your heart to actively beat for you, if you want your brain to healthily work for you, then don’t waste another moment. Find your passion and fill your life with it. Life becomes so meaningful and beautiful. There’s never a right time to wait for life to happen. It’s always time to make life happen. That’s one of the learning when we see Guruji.

For any lock in life, this is the Master-key

I rebelled it. I questioned it. I avoided it. I loathed the prospect of it. I thought it makes life boring. But only lately I have been realizing the value of it.

I thought passion was important, inspiration was important, the key moment was important. But I never thought over and above all this, consistency was of paramount importance. Had I consistently pursued anything in life – just about anything – while doing all the other things, I would’ve certainly gained mastery over it. 

Let me explain this further.

There are some friends who never forget to call on your birthday. There are some who do at times. Whose call would you be expecting or waiting for on your birthday? The one who always calls or the one who rarely calls?

Think about baking a cake. If you got all the ingredients right, it is important to get the consistency right. If the consistency goes wrong, even the best of ingredients won’t help you create the best of cake.

Think about relationships – If you appreciate someone once and expect them to understand all your criticisms always, it won’t work. If you declare your love at the beginning of the century and expect it to work until the end of time, it perhaps won’t. It is important to appreciate consistently. Not constantly.  

If you want to inculcate some good habits in your children, you have to be consistent on your words and efforts. Else, they might be confused and not know what to follow.

Most people who lose weight, don’t tend to sustain it in the long run. They tend to gain it back because they do something for sometime and it shows results and then they get erratic in their habits or find it difficult to be consistent in their efforts. 

If you want mastery over a skill, only passion won’t do – consistently being disciplined about practice is what will help. 

Even if you look at people who have been successful – they are not one-time wonders. Most one-time wonders are forgotten sooner than later. But those who have been consistent make their presence felt in a way that their absence will also be felt when they aren’t around. Be it writing, dancing, music, anything that you wish to pursue in life – you get a certain sense of confidence, exposure and expertise when you are consistent in your practice. 

If you have consistently lived up to your word, you’ll be known as reliable. 

If you consistently deliver outstanding results, you’ll be known as a Master.

If you are consistently able to maintain your state and handle tough situations, you’ll be known for your stability.

If you are consistently understanding and kind, you’ll be known as a compassionate human being. 

Instead, if we speak one kind sentence for every 10, or one good deed followed by 10 bad words, we are making it tough for anyone to understand or empathize with us. If you have been by and large kind, the one-off day is easily understood. But not the other way around.

The reason why most of us fail to make a mark for ourselves is that we change with the changing weather. We are inconsistent in our efforts, words, and actions. And inconsistent efforts, of course, will get us inconsistent results and a wavering reputation. 

When we speak of brand image or personal brand – it is built by what you consistently demonstrate! Ask 5 people around you – what words would they use to describe you. That could be what they may have seen you demonstrate more often than not. If you like what you hear, great. If you think you can make it better, see what is it that you need to tweak. As much as variety, spontaneity, and flexibility is important, on certain aspects, consistency plays a huge role. Ask yourself, to go from where you are to where you wish to be, what is that one thing you would want to be consistent about.

You can go wrong once, twice, thrice. But it is impossible to go wrong when you do something consistently over time!