Do you feel you have sacrificed in life?

As shared by a friend of mine:

“I always believed that sacrifice is a great virtue and the one who sacrifices is a great leader or a good human being. 

I have heard many stories in my childhood that glorified the sacrifice and the sacrificer. And the metaphors that kept coming were a candle or a ladder.  For most of the questions, one fitting definition that made sense was ‘the one who sacrifices’.  

As I grew up I started making small sacrifices and I would feel happy that I could sacrifice; that i could give up things for others. I felt happy that I could sacrifice for my near and dear ones. Be it what to have for breakfast or where to go. It started with small things. ‘Giving up’ became so easy that ‘asking sorry’ wasn’t a problem at all. I would ask sorry so easily. Most of the times I wouldn’t have an opinion at all – I would simply go with the other person – because I liked sacrificing.

Life taught me lessons. Experiences in life helped me understand how ‘sacrificing’ isn’t a good dynamism in relationships. The one who sacrifices goes through pain. Even though one might wilfully do so, he or she has a pain or loses something. People who did not value my sacrifice pushed me towards my learning. I had life disguised through some good souls who taught  me the importance of win-win. They shared  that ‘you need not have to go through pain or give up something for others to be happy.’ That was an eye opener. I started looking for win-win now in new contexts. Thank you to life, experiences, the ones who did not value my sacrifice and the good souls more importantly.”

Taking it a step further – it’s best to not get the word sacrifice into our lives. If you see, there’s no such thing as a sacrifice really that makes you feel bitter. A soldier is ready to sacrifice his life for the sake of his country and he’s proud about it. That’s his love for his homeland. A parent bends backwards to take care of the child and they are joyful about it. That’s their love for the child. Likewise, whatever we do or don’t do is because that person matters to us and it gives a joy to see them happy. OR, we didn’t have the strength/conviction to stand up for what we believed in. Either case, we can’t call it a sacrifice. We did something for the joy or the fear of something or someone. 

So, does that mean there is nothing called sacrifice in this world. May be very very few things can fall into that category. But the key point to remember is that sacrifice isn’t a word to be used to make others feel obligated towards us, grateful to us or, or for us to feel bitter about life, people or the good that we do. It demeans all that we have done when we call it a sacrifice and expect some sort of recognition or pay-back for it.  

One beautiful way to lead our life is to think win-win at all times. Whether others do so or not, its important for YOU to operate on a win-win basis. You can make a difference when you think that way. And hence, you must do your bit! When there is abundance in this world, why practice scarcity in any form?

How to reduce confusion and know what you want in your life

 Why are we increasingly being more confused? With all the information available, we should have been more clearer in our thinking. But it’s quite the contrary. Instead of being clearer, we are more confused than ever.

The starting point of this confusion is because we are not looking within for the answers. We first look outside for what’s available. And then we get so lost in choosing from the wide array of options that we completely forget to look within and ask ourselves what is it that we actually need.

Gathering information, knowledge and options is becoming such a powerful addiction that we unconsciously spend a lifetime in it. Nothing seems to suffice. The more we learn, the more we get educated, the more there seems to be to further learn. We get so busy in knowing that we don’t have the time to sit and assimilate and implement what we have learned. We hijack our own selves, thus complicating an otherwise simple life.

We feel more incomplete than ever because we seem to have access to many things that make us feel we aren’t complete unless we get that. However, we were sent as a complete package by the creator. There weren’t any deficiencies to begin with. He installed everything that’s necessary and sent us down with the one motive that we learn to discover our skills and leverage all of it fruitfully to benefit ourselves and larger humankind. 

No matter what we gain from the outside world, we can and will never feel complete unless we learn to trust that the creator has already done a fantastic job creating us. Unless we are grateful for what we have, we won’t benefit from anything that we further acquire. Pursue things out of passion. But not out of a feeling of being incomplete without them. Or not to feel that you need to do it to consider yourself worthy. 

The one who is silent is not dumb. They may know the value of words better. The one who is not educated isn’t foolish. And the one who is qualified isn’t knowledgeable. The one who knows himself/herself is the one who has wisdom. The rest of us can do the circus night and day, and not get any smarter or wiser. We may just get better at our circus over time.

Once you are clear on what you want, you are likely to get there faster because there will be fewer diversions and less information chaos. A focused search leads to clearer results. Not knowing what we want, we do a random search, and we end up with random results. And with that random information, we might likely be overwhelmed and not do anything at all.

So, the simple solution to wade through the complex information and the confusion thereof is to know what you want before you seek to know what is available. And yes, to the next question – how do we know what we want? If we shut off the outer noise, our inner voice will definitely be audible. Don’t you think?

3 easy steps to be peaceful right away!

All of us want to be peaceful. But only some of us manage to be. The rest are in pursuit of it. Some even fight for it. Fighting for peace is like an oxymoron. How could one possibly ever be peaceful whilst fighting for it? Some of us say with this frustrated expression, frowned brow and touching our forehead – “I just want to be peaceful! That’s all!” The way we say it, even if peace was anywhere around, it would run away from there looking at how agitatedly we want it.

So, when you think of peace, what comes to your mind? The absence of your stressors or the presence of calmness? It’s very important to pay attention to this question. If you think you will be peaceful by removing the stressors, you may be making way for yourself to get further agitated. Sometimes it could be the presence of certain people around us whom we can’t do anything about. And if we wish that they magically disappear or change themselves – that may or may not happen. Their life is their story. Until they have learned their lessons, they will continue to be that way. But in the process, if you intertwine your life story with theirs like a cobweb, you will not be able to untangle easily. Instead, observe them from a distance. They are outside of you, right? Don’t bring their negativity inside of you. Leave that outside too! Don’t own their negativity.

Instead of thinking of removing the stressors (especially when it comes to people you can’t do much about), think of creating calmness within you. How do you create the presence of calmness? Below are three simple steps you could explore:

1. Calmness is being free from agitation or strong emotions. One sure way to achieve that is by reducing the intensity of words that you use. If you are wondering how will that help, read on. Research has proved that words have a profound impact on our body and mind. The kind of words we use influence our feelings and actions every minute. Hence, it is of paramount importance to use mild words. There are two ways of saying anything – high intensity or low intensity. For example, if it is a rather warm day, we could either say with mild intensity, “It is rather warm today”. Or we can say with high-intensity words like, “Gosh! It is so damn warm. It is killing me! This is horrible.”    Either which way you are saying it is warm. It is not going to get any more pleasant if you use strong words. Might as well use milder words so that the amount of internal frustration at least is low. Instead of saying, “I hate…”, consider saying, “I am not too fond of it”. You are saying the same thing, sans the internal disturbance, when you are using milder words. So, pay attention over the next hour to the words that you are using. Understand if they are high intensity or low intensity – and the effect they are having on you. If you want to be calmer, see what are the other ways of saying the same thing in a milder way. And if you want to go one step further, be intentional in developing your vocabulary of good words. Have more good words than bad.

2. Lower your volume and make your voice sound soft and pleasing. Each of us has different textures in our voice – some are soft, some are gruff, some are base, etc. We are not referring to that here. What’s important is – whatever be your voice, be mindful of whether you are speaking in a high volume with a lot of emphases or speaking in a more pleasant way. Regardless of the texture of your voice, one can always sound pleasant. So, work with your own sound. Your voice has a lot of impact on how you feel. When you speak more emphatically or with a lot of force, your body is thrust into more emotions. When you intentionally lower your volume, you’ll notice you internally feel a lot calmer too. Imagine if someone suddenly comes and shouts at you – you will be taken aback right? Imagine if someone pleasantly talks to you, you feel more drawn to listening, right? Likewise, your own voice too, has a definite effect on you, as much as it has on others! Try it and see!

3. Focus on what you want. The biggest reason why we lose our peace is that we are constantly trying to change something that is much beyond our control. In doing so, what happens is we tend to focus all our energies only on that one thing and ignore all the other good things around us. When you can change something, change it. When you can’t, accept it. If you can’t accept it, learn to live with it without getting absorbed by it. How do you not get absorbed by it? By focusing on something else that is worthy of your attention. The more time you spend thinking of things you can’t change, the more frustrated you will be. And you will lose the motivation to do things that you otherwise enjoy doing too. Instead, shift gears. Think of what you like, and spend your attention on that. Even if you don’t have time to do it, whenever you are thinking, think of what you want, rather than what you don’t want. By constantly thinking of bad things, if we can change it, then the whole world would have been different by now. But, that’s not how it works! No matter how much you look at a dirty car it is not going to get clean. It will be what it is. If it is your car, you can clean it. If it isn’t you just have to stop focusing on it, staring at it, and going and repeatedly touching it. (When I say your car, please don’t treat anyone outside of you as yours’ – yes, they may be your family. But they aren’t yours’. You don’t own anybody. The only one you own is yourself). You spend your time looking at your car and the inner workings and what it needs to make it shine.

Ultimately, the important thing to remember is we are the result of our choices. Not others’ actions. What they do is up to them, how we respond is up to us. You don’t have to be a saint. You can get angry or upset here and there. But don’t stay there for long. Remember that is not your car – and get your hand, eyes and head off it as quickly as you can. And peace will be yours!

If you don’t stand up when it matters

Should we not think of past or future?

Discoveries happen when you bring your awareness to the present.

When you take your awareness (not thoughts ) to the past, you have learnings.

When you are aware of your future , you’ll understand what needs to be done in this moment.

Past, present or future isn’t the issue. Are you operating with awareness or without it is what matters.

Who cares what’s important

It’s all about convenience

We can’t stand up for anything

But we spend endless amounts of time trying to project ourselves in ways that makes people like us.

We spend endless amounts of time trying to defend our stupidity.

We spend even more time in proving others wrong because that’s the only way we may appear right.

We aren’t ready to do anything unless it personally hurts ourselves or our ego

Who cares what’s actually important!

It’s all about convenience!

Even challenges we want only per our convenience!

It’s not impossible. 

But it is inconvenient to step out of our comfort zone 

And do something that makes life worthwhile.

And if we don’t get what we want, who cares!

We can blame anyone for our convenience and comfort!

There’s a problem with the world

“There’s a problem with the world

Because it is not dancing to my tunes

There’s a problem with people

Because they aren’t singing my tunes

There’s a problem with everything around me

Because I am not able to play my tunes

Hence, I am unhappy and grumpy

And I will continue to be, until the end of time!

It’s not my fault. I am perfectly fine!

The fault is with everyone else

They need to change

In order to be considered mine!”

And that’s how she died, the poor old, unhappy soul!

God has given you a gift!

Most amazing response

The other day my friend was talking to my 2 and half year old niece and casually asked her – what’s your favourite color? She looked down at her multi-coloured dress, and started reading out color by color. We both laughed. We thought it was such an amazing response. Your favourite is what you have right now! How simple and beautiful is that!

That’s her keeping herself an everyone entertained! Kids are never bored being with themselves!

Just to see what would be the response again, I asked the same question yesterday. She looked at me. I was wearing black. She said, “black”. I again asked her “and what else is your favourite”. She looked at my water bottle which was pink and said, “pink”! The third time I asked her, she looked at her dress and said, “white”! I gave her a kiss for her amazing capacity to enjoy the present and form such inclusive connections with people.

The down side of social media contests

With social media being all-pervasive, we tend to use it widely for all types of needs/requirements. From advertising to publicity, to knowledge sharing, exploring talents, etc. Name it, and we do it! And it has been quite helpful too. We wouldn’t have been able to reach out to so many people across the world sitting in the comfort of our home or office. However, we need to exercise a little caution while using it – especially with kids and young adults. 

Nowadays, I see a lot of parents and relatives forwarding a link to like something that their child would have created – because they are taking part in a contest. And the one who wins is the one who gets most votes. It creates such an undue pressure in my opinion, not just on the kids, but also the parents. Now it is not just enough to do a good job but also to market it well. Ultimately, the one who wins might not necessarily be the most talented. It might just be someone who has a big social circle. Which I think is an unfair advantage. Someone who has a limited circle is now forced to expand – and all for a reason – not a purpose. The reason is to get votes. When you connect for a purpose, that is meaningful. When you connect for a reason, the connection remains at a transactional level. Plus, someone who isn’t at that social advantage might just land up feeling they aren’t good enough – which is completely untrue. Of the many, here are a few key disadvantages of social media contests to be wary of:

• They advocate an unnecessary indulgence in social media at a very young age
• We are setting the tone for what to expect from social media wrongly – i.e., acceptance and recognition. People start doing things for these reasons rather than pure passion. We may get sidetracked from our focus.
• A pressure to get liked.
• A wrong notion of what’s good – they start to believe that what’s popular is what’s good – which may not necessarily be the case. A lot of things that are popular are not because they are good, but due to a lot of other reasons. Doing things to gain popularity is the biggest derailer for humanity.
• Get experts from the field who can judge the work. If there’s going to be a judgment anyway, you might as well limit it to a few experts from the field rather than open it up to a large audience who may be mostly biased to stories or connections rather than purely going by the work.

Brands that are advocating these kinds of contests, kindly think of the repercussions. See if you can host more friendly contests with less social pressure. You can get recognised as a brand for various reasons and in various ways. Need not necessarily be at the cost of young minds and hearts being corrupted or misguided. 

Parents and adults – please beware of what kind of contests your children are participating in. Winning is not everything in life. Recognise their talents and help them grow in terms of skills without compromising on values. Beware of the pitfalls of social media contests. Educate your child. If they get too hooked to getting this kind of recognition, it will be very tough for them later on. People sink into depression easily when these needs aren’t met tomorrow or if they face trolls or rejection for any reason. The highs of likes are constantly warning us of the lows of dislikes too. Encourage children to do things for the love of it rather than to get liked by someone. Eventually, excellence will cross paths with them when they are disciplined and dedicated about what they do, rather than spending time pursuing likes on social media. Use social media, but don’t get used by it or used to it in a way that your life depends on it.