Tag Archive | confidence

Feel the freedom of life!

Why would you worry about being shattered, if you can rebuild yourself

Why would you worry about people’s judgment, if you can be kind to yourself

Why would you worry about recognition, if you realize how good you are

Why would you worry about losing someone, if you know to trust yourself

Why would you worry about something going wrong, if you believe you can make it right

Why would you worry about failing, if you are willing to learn from your failures

Why would you worry about future, if you are confident of your present

Why would you worry about falling, if you have the courage to rise every time

Why would you worry about growing old, if you are content with yourself

Why would you worry about dying, if you are living every moment

Why should fear hold you down, if you can touch the skies with faith!

Keep the faith! Trust yourself! Reach for the skies!



Decision Making – Thoughtful and Fearless

Life’s a lot about making decisions. From what to wear, to where to live, to what to do, we are constantly deciding. At different times, in different situations, we have different factors that determine our decisions. While some decisions are based on logic and reason, some others are based on emotion and responsibility and the like. There are some decisions though, that are based on fear more than anything else. Fear of consequences. Decisions made in fear may not often appeal to the rest of our mind, body and heart because fear has no reason. Fear is a reason-less reason. And there’s a dialogue in a famous Hindi movie that goes something like this – ‘the one who is afraid, shall perish.’

A man once wanted to quit his job and try a business venture of his own. He thought through and spoke to his family. His family was scared about the risks involved. They asked him to stick to the job that gave him a guaranteed fat salary every month. Their fear rubbed on to him (fear sometimes is like a perfume – not exactly a good one albeit – it passes on from the person who has it to the others around too). He gave up his well thought through dream and continued with a job that he didn’t enjoy as much. Now, after years, he still owns his parents’ fear to such an extent that he wouldn’t try his venture even if he has a chance.

Another lady knew how to drive well. But she often heard discouraging comments from her family who mentioned that if something happens, it would be an expensive affair. This unsolicited borrowed fear has been sitting with her ever since and even if there’s an emergency; she prefers to walk, run or take someone’s help rather than get into the car and help herself.

Fear is self-limiting; not self-liberating. Then how can decisions made out of fear have a different effect? Talented people with great skills and wonderful thoughts prevent themselves from writing, with the fear of ‘what if people don’t like what I write’. Fantastic singers refuse to sing in front of others fearing, ‘what if I make a fool of myself’. An educated woman holds herself back from trying for a job after a long gap due to family reasons fearing, ‘what if I don’t have it in me anymore’. Well, these are just fears, not reality. The more we believe in our fears, the greater is the chance that we make them our reality. With every fear, probability theory says that there are 50% chances of things going in your favour too. Follow it up with hard work and confidence, and there you have it! You can convert the 50% to 90% and 100% even. All the ones who succeeded never focused on fear. It wasn’t that they didn’t have fear. It was just that they made a choice to focus on their strengths and confidence than fear.

What’s the worst that can happen if you don’t wear your lucky dress or your lucky ring on your big day? The real substance is within you and it has always been so. It never was in the materials outside of you. If you are doing everything right, and if you feel you are still not getting what you want, may be it is good to explore the beliefs that you hold for yourself. Are they supporting you? Or is there fear? For a person who is fearless, he/she takes everything in their stride and finds valuable learning in all that happens. They march forward with the new learning. They know that they will attain success.  They don’t talk about fear; they don’t live in the fear that their fears shouldn’t come true. Fears come true, only if you believe in them!  You have the potential to make them come true. Just like positive thoughts. So, if you are anyways going to imagine, why not imagine in your favour? When WTC towers collapsed, fear did not prevent the government from re-constructing them. And that’s why we have them again. If you are willing to rise after every fall, your decisions will always stand tall. What would you do if you weren’t afraid? If you have a brilliant thought or desire and a counter-productive fear, stick to the desire rather than drop with the fear.

Learn & Move on or Regret & Stagnate!

There are certain obvious benefits of problems. Sounds ironic? Let’s explore. After going through life’s rigmarole, it suddenly dawned on me with utmost clarity as to how much I have benefited with all the problems that I have faced so far.

One of the beliefs of excellence in NLP states that every problem has a solution. To expand on it, there are at least 3 things that happen when we face a problem. One – we find ways to solve it. Two – if don’t come close to solving a problem, we find creative ways to work around it. Three – if both of the above don’t happen – we LEARN something valuable. Think of the problem that you may have faced and check which of the three happened. It does ring a bell, doesn’t it? Now there’s a difference between imaginary problems and real problems. When we imagine problems, what we become good at is ‘worrying’. When we face real problems, what we become good at is ‘solving’. (And you know which is empowering).

It’s true though that at the time of the problem, I may not have been this wise to see the bright side of things. But over a period of time, whenever I revisited a problem time, I realized I have grown so much as a person and learnt so much from it. As a result, I now start thinking what learning could this experience be offering me, at the outset. Thinking this way has helped me stay calm and relaxed in troubled times. Also, the positive belief that something good always comes out of everything enables me to stay solution focused and gives greater confidence to deal with the situation at hand.

One classic example is Phil Hansen, a great artist whose uniqueness was to draw huge portraits with a combination of dots (pointillist drawings, as it is called). He developed a nervous disorder that left his hand with a permanent shake. Doctors said he could never draw a straight line again. Phil was initially disheartened. But later, worked around and decided that if not a straight line, he will draw with crooked lines itself. And he is back to drawing his usual magnificent art works. Take a look for yourself by clicking here.

When we look back a problem, we could do two things – reflect or regret. Reflecting is to healthily look at it and see what we learnt from it and move ahead. Regret is if we constantly feel bad about something that has already happened and either blame ourselves or others for it. This may not be a useful strategy as it only unlocks further un-resourceful states. The more we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater is their effect.

Look around you and look within you – just see the sheer magic of wonders that we create during problem times. Problems often bring out the best in us. So worry not of a problem that’s here, for it is this problem that’ll get you there, where you always want to be.