Tag Archive | self

Feel the freedom of life!

Why would you worry about being shattered, if you can rebuild yourself

Why would you worry about people’s judgment, if you can be kind to yourself

Why would you worry about recognition, if you realize how good you are

Why would you worry about losing someone, if you know to trust yourself

Why would you worry about something going wrong, if you believe you can make it right

Why would you worry about failing, if you are willing to learn from your failures

Why would you worry about future, if you are confident of your present

Why would you worry about falling, if you have the courage to rise every time

Why would you worry about growing old, if you are content with yourself

Why would you worry about dying, if you are living every moment

Why should fear hold you down, if you can touch the skies with faith!

Keep the faith! Trust yourself! Reach for the skies!

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Humbly apologise and divinely forgive

Alexander Pope, the 18th century poet rightly said, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” Mistakes are a part of our living. Every time we make a mistake, we learn and grow. If we have not made any mistakes, we are most likely to have not learnt much. While making mistakes is human and natural, to be able to forgive is divine and special.

Seek forgiveness. As you know, not all mistakes are readily forgiven. We are forgiven only if the other knows that their forgiveness means something to us. Once they know that we are genuinely sorry, they find it worth to forgive. So, when we are at fault, feeling guilty is not sufficient. Asking for an apology makes the difference. A sincere apology is almost always accepted – even if it may take time! And doing so heals the seeker as well as the giver.

Don’t disappear with guilt. Sometimes, we may feel guilty about a mistake to the extent that we don’t want to face the person. We’d rather disappear with guilt than appear with an apology. In doing so, we are allowing a person to remain mistaken about our mistake. The lack of regret or apology makes it feel like the guilty doesn’t care enough – and hence, hurts even more. It almost feels like a betrayal because they never get to know that we were actually feeling sorry about what happened.

Apology preferred over an excuse. There are other times, when we may show up, not with an apology, but an excuse. For example: “Yeah! Heard you were in a crisis but see – because I stayed away, you were able to learn for yourself. And that’s exactly why I stayed away!” This might appear as being insensitive to what they have gone through while justifying our failure to be there. Stating an excuse is like not wanting to own up to our behaviour. After all, no excuse can be as good as a genuine apology. It might not be the easiest thing to face someone we have wronged and ask for an apology – but, if that person matters, then it may be the best thing to do. It strengthens the relationship further. Even if they react, we are in a better place to understand because we really care. On the contrary, if we carry our ego everywhere, all we get is a big bubble to live in – that may burst anytime. If people are important, we let go of self. If only self is important, we may be letting go of people. Nothing right or wrong, but depends on what’s important to us in that context.

Relationship over self. An apology is never known to have hurt anyone greater than an excuse. And an excuse is never known to have had a greater acceptance than an apology. If we are focused only on making ourselves feel better, we will look to justify ourselves. But if we truly care for the other as much as we care for ourselves, we’ll own up and apologize since we value the relationship.

Say it like you mean it. When we say sorry like we mean it, we should also ensure we don’t repeat it. New mistakes are more easily forgiven. But repeating the same mistakes are hard to get over. It may feel like we have made sorry-telling a habit. The more we repeat a sorry with same person over similar instances, the lesser becomes our credibility. It’s unlike other things, where the more we repeat the more perfect we get.

Rules change. While all of this holds true when we make a mistake, it may not be helpful to have the same yardstick when we have been wronged. When others make a mistake, and don’t ask for forgiveness, let’s forgive them anyway. May not be because they deserve it, but because we deserve mental peace. You may wonder why the rules of the game are different for others and different for self. Well, that’s because, the only person we can change is ourselves. If we expect others to be in a certain way, it may happen or it may not happen. However, when it comes to self, we can completely be the way we want to be – and thereby, be a powerful example for those around us. Gandhi said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”. When we forgive, we are stronger. The mistakes appear small and unimportant and we are able to let go of it. It’s not the mistakes that are important. It is the learning that they each had to offer. If we are humble, we seek forgiveness. If we are divine, we forgive. And we can always choose to be humbly divine.

 

Your Space – My Space – Our Space

Is the space around you all about yourself or does it have space for others to co-exist too? Or is it all about others and not about you?

There’s nothing wrong with thinking about the other, so long as there’s space for you. There’s nothing wrong with thinking about oneself, so long as there’s place for others too. For mutual coexistence, it is important that we are aware of each other’s space. It is even more important that we respect the spaces. As we are aware, our freedom ends where the other person’s nose begins. But sometimes we think that we can twist and turn the other person’s nose if it doesn’t match our requirements. That is not only possible but also disrespectful and harmful for a relationship.

Think about all the environments where we exist. At work, because we manage people as leaders, do we in the name of feedback and career growth expect people to change their very nature to suit our space?

What about at home, would it be upsetting if someone doesn’t eat the way we want or talk according to our criteria? What do we do then? Do we want to change them?

People may or may not be mindful of your space, but you can be. And if you are, you can ensure that your space is your space. No one needs to give you your space so long as you know to graciously occupy your space. For that, the first thing is to accept, recognise and respect yourself as an individual and that your space is just as significant as anyone else is in this world. If we keep letting others take our space, they will always continue. If you want it to stop, it is vital to communicate that you would appreciate some space. No one takes offence to that. People don’t feel hurt if you tell them you respect your space. They may feel hurt if we tell them we want their space or that we disrespect their space. People may not magically realise that they have been encroaching your space. But you can make that magic happen. A gentle, yet firm communication on what’s important about it will go a long way in establishing a respectful space. Where there’s space, there’s growth, freedom and respect.

You can be gracious of other people’s spaces too. If you are having conversations, is it all about you or what you want to talk about? Or are you mindful of different people and their interests too? There was a man who once said, “I am sorry, I have been talking about myself for a long time. Now let me pause and you can talk about me”. 🙂

Are your jokes WITH people or AT people? When we joke with people, we aren’t making fun of them or their identity. When we have fun at other’s expense, we may cross the lines of respectful boundaries and attack a person’s core self or identity. That no longer remains our space.

Don’t you like to be around people who respect you and give you your space to exist freely? Whatever you want others to be, you can be an example and lead the way. No one likes to be around a person who is always about themselves and wants others to dance to their tunes. They may find temporary acquaintances or fair-weathered friends but not the ones who stand by through all weathers. Sooner or later, life catches up. If you are all about yourself, you will have no one but yourself to care for you. And I m sure none of us want to be in that state.

When we correct, suggest, advice, get angry or irritated at people – it is good to be aware if that is because they are not matching our criteria or if there’s genuinely something wrong with what they are doing or saying. If we can’t respect kids and give them their space to make their choices, their mistakes and have their learning, how would they learn to respect us and our space in our old age? If we can’t respect our elders and their space and their limitations, how could we expect others to be mindful when we age? Can we give people the liberty to exist freely?  Just because someone is my spouse, friend, child, parent, colleague or subordinate, they don’t have to be someone they don’t wish to be. And just because we are one of the above, we don’t have to cease to exist what we truly wish to be or have the potential to be.

Let’s speak to the extent that we remember to listen
Let’s listen to the extent that we remember to speak
Let’s live in a way that we can co-exist
Let’s co-exist in a way that we can love!

Facing your Inner Truth

No one needs to show us that which we can see for ourselves!

Truth is not for interpretation. Truth is not for convenience.

The real truth can liberate and awaken You!

And to see it, one has to be bravely vulnerable.

Source - Commons.wikimedia.com

Source – Commons.Wikimedia.Org

If someone were to tell you that you are putting on weight or, you seem to be getting irritated quickly, or you are very egoistic, or you brag too much – how would that be? Definitely not the nicest of things to hear, isn’t it? These are things that we are perhaps better off realizing for ourselves rather than others pointing it out.

No one should ever have to show us a mirror. A mirror is something that we can see for ourselves. They can show us something that we truly don’t know. But not something that we already know deep within but don’t wish to see or acknowledge.

Facing the truth can be liberating. It enables us to effectively deal with what we have to deal. Lying to ourselves and others or masking the truth, takes us away from the real issue and hence, makes the solution-finding that much difficult.

By not being true to myself I am choosing to be powerless and without choices to do anything about the issue.

Take an example; let’s say I fought with my friend. If I don’t face the truth, I can easily say things that may please my ego or blame my friend/others/situation/destiny for what happened. However, if I have the courage to face the truth, I wouldn’t be playing the blame game. I will have the guts to say here’s where I went wrong too and it will give me the strength to course correct and do what’s right for me and my friend.

When I distort reality and misrepresent facts to speak in my favor, it may momentarily help. But in the long run, it catches up with a heavy price that I may have to pay.

If you have the strength to face it, face it now than later
If you have the power to heal, heal yourself now than later
If you have wronged someone, ask for forgiveness now than later
If you have the strength to forgive, forgive now than later
If you can do something, do it now than later
Later is for those who can’t face the Now
Now is where is the power to change, accept and move-on.
Now is for those who can. And there really isn’t anyone who can’t.

Truth is not about being abrasive. It’s about being brave and vulnerable at the same time. The real truth is the one that liberates and awakens YOU, not others. Every person has to face their own truth. For that, it is important to be true about the real truth than our version of it. The facts of a matter, matter! Not the interpretations of it. A truth that is based on convenience is no truth at all!

A love that’s deep within spreads all around!

The relationship that I have with myself seems to be the mother of all relationships. It not only determines my happiness factor, but  also determines the quality of relationships that I have with those around me.

 Be it in Psychology, NLP or scriptures, we’ve often heard that what we see in others is true of ourselves, somehow, somewhere! Similarly, what we see in our relationships with others is often an extension of the relationship that we have with ourselves. At times, it may so happen that one has a very good relationship with someone outside of them even though they may not have that great a relationship with themselves. However, the deal with that is, their happiness may be dependent on the success of that relationship. God forbid, if something goes wrong in that relationship, their happiness bubble might burst instantly. It is like – you owning your television but giving the remote in the hands of your neighbour. Whereas, when you establish a relationship with yourself, you’d find it easier to extend that harmonious relationship with others and also, be able to maintain your internal state. Essentially, this is like owning your television and the remote too. When you go inward to develop a relationship with yourself, you get comfortable in your own skin and approach other relationships with ease and confidence. And it is this confidence in yourself that wins you the confidence of others too!

 The question is “how do we establish this relationship with self?” One of the key ingredients to any relationship is communication. And it is not any different for this one too. Do you talk and listen to yourself? You may find it amusing if you aren’t conscious of these conversations with yourself but I think we all do talk to ourselves in different places, different times and in different ways. The tone, quality and extent of these conversations may differ and these determine the quality of the relationship that you have with yourself. For example, if your body is signalling sleep, thirst, hunger, fullness or any other feeling or emotion – do you acknowledge it? Is the tone in which you speak to yourself, kind, loving and patient? Do you talk to yourself in a way that empowers you and uplifts your spirits? What do you say to yourself often and how do you say it? There could be deep revelations when we explore some of these aspects.

To begin with, what do you do when you come across someone you know? You acknowledge their presence, maintain eye contact and greet them with a smile. Why should it be any different when you wake up each morning and look at yourself in the mirror? You are your most familiar face. Acknowledging and greeting yourself pleasantly each morning is a wonderful way to start the day. Eye contact with yourself is as important as it is with others. It all begins with the eyes and goes within.

 For building any relationship, we need time and communication. And this is surely a worthwhile investment. Continue to talk, continue spending time – to build that single greatest and deepest relationship with yourself as that is going to last you till the very end of your time. An enriched relationship with self , enhances the quality of relationships with others too. So, happy journey! 🙂