Tag Archive | Choices

Feel the freedom of life!

Why would you worry about being shattered, if you can rebuild yourself

Why would you worry about people’s judgment, if you can be kind to yourself

Why would you worry about recognition, if you realize how good you are

Why would you worry about losing someone, if you know to trust yourself

Why would you worry about something going wrong, if you believe you can make it right

Why would you worry about failing, if you are willing to learn from your failures

Why would you worry about future, if you are confident of your present

Why would you worry about falling, if you have the courage to rise every time

Why would you worry about growing old, if you are content with yourself

Why would you worry about dying, if you are living every moment

Why should fear hold you down, if you can touch the skies with faith!

Keep the faith! Trust yourself! Reach for the skies!

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Choice!

Choices – Don’t we love them? Choice of phones to suit our requirements, choice of data plan to suit our needs, choice of clothes to suit the situation, choice of food to suit the mood and the list goes on. While too many choices might be overwhelming at times, a life without choices is unthinkable.

Choices determine our life. By choosing our actions, we determine the results. By choosing our thoughts, we determine our emotions. By choosing whom or what we pay attention to, we determine the quality of our lives. By giving choices to others, we determine the quality of our relationships.

Choice means freedom. While one might know the importance of one’s own freedom, are we aware of how we are giving others the freedom to make their choices too? Are we aware of the choices in our language and thoughts while interacting with others?

Choice and advice don’t go together. Without being solicited for advice, do we do things like the following?
Tell someone what they should eat, when they should sleep, what they should wear, how they should be, what they should say, who should they talk to or what should they do?

Advice is usually well received when it is given respectfully and more so, only when the other person needs it. But if we are telling others all the time, and want them to learn through our experience, we may limit their ability to choose and determine their experiences. We may limit their freedom. We may limit their ability to learn from their mistakes and experience. Nothing can substitute experience.

Can we give choices in our language? Can we seek to understand or find out their point of view before we state our opinion?

Imagine asking a child – “would you want to study now or after an hour?” or “What would you like to do now?”
Imagine asking your spouse – “what would you like to do over the weekend?”
Imagine asking your team mate – “how would you like to go about this?”

Choices can be win-win. We were sent on this earth to make our choices in order to learn and grow. We can aid the process but not take the process on behalf of others. We can help others understand that choices have consequences and help them understand what could be the possible consequences of some choices that they make. Choices don’t mean just giving two options that we think are best for them. Choice is only when we make it a win-win. Can we think win-win? Win for the other and win for self too?

For example:
“Do you want to study Physics now or Chemistry” – may not be a win-win.

“Do you want to study now and play later or play now and study later” – here’s where we are truly thinking win-win.

Choices are empowering. Giving someone a choice also makes them feel responsible and accountable for their decisions. Choices are compelling. People can’t resist choices. They resist rules or authority. And sometimes, giving someone what they want is more helpful than giving someone what we think is right.

Giving choices is a choice – nothing is mandatory always. But giving them often helps strengthen the person and the relation too. Have a flexible day ahead!

Your Space – My Space – Our Space

Is the space around you all about yourself or does it have space for others to co-exist too? Or is it all about others and not about you?

There’s nothing wrong with thinking about the other, so long as there’s space for you. There’s nothing wrong with thinking about oneself, so long as there’s place for others too. For mutual coexistence, it is important that we are aware of each other’s space. It is even more important that we respect the spaces. As we are aware, our freedom ends where the other person’s nose begins. But sometimes we think that we can twist and turn the other person’s nose if it doesn’t match our requirements. That is not only possible but also disrespectful and harmful for a relationship.

Think about all the environments where we exist. At work, because we manage people as leaders, do we in the name of feedback and career growth expect people to change their very nature to suit our space?

What about at home, would it be upsetting if someone doesn’t eat the way we want or talk according to our criteria? What do we do then? Do we want to change them?

People may or may not be mindful of your space, but you can be. And if you are, you can ensure that your space is your space. No one needs to give you your space so long as you know to graciously occupy your space. For that, the first thing is to accept, recognise and respect yourself as an individual and that your space is just as significant as anyone else is in this world. If we keep letting others take our space, they will always continue. If you want it to stop, it is vital to communicate that you would appreciate some space. No one takes offence to that. People don’t feel hurt if you tell them you respect your space. They may feel hurt if we tell them we want their space or that we disrespect their space. People may not magically realise that they have been encroaching your space. But you can make that magic happen. A gentle, yet firm communication on what’s important about it will go a long way in establishing a respectful space. Where there’s space, there’s growth, freedom and respect.

You can be gracious of other people’s spaces too. If you are having conversations, is it all about you or what you want to talk about? Or are you mindful of different people and their interests too? There was a man who once said, “I am sorry, I have been talking about myself for a long time. Now let me pause and you can talk about me”. 🙂

Are your jokes WITH people or AT people? When we joke with people, we aren’t making fun of them or their identity. When we have fun at other’s expense, we may cross the lines of respectful boundaries and attack a person’s core self or identity. That no longer remains our space.

Don’t you like to be around people who respect you and give you your space to exist freely? Whatever you want others to be, you can be an example and lead the way. No one likes to be around a person who is always about themselves and wants others to dance to their tunes. They may find temporary acquaintances or fair-weathered friends but not the ones who stand by through all weathers. Sooner or later, life catches up. If you are all about yourself, you will have no one but yourself to care for you. And I m sure none of us want to be in that state.

When we correct, suggest, advice, get angry or irritated at people – it is good to be aware if that is because they are not matching our criteria or if there’s genuinely something wrong with what they are doing or saying. If we can’t respect kids and give them their space to make their choices, their mistakes and have their learning, how would they learn to respect us and our space in our old age? If we can’t respect our elders and their space and their limitations, how could we expect others to be mindful when we age? Can we give people the liberty to exist freely?  Just because someone is my spouse, friend, child, parent, colleague or subordinate, they don’t have to be someone they don’t wish to be. And just because we are one of the above, we don’t have to cease to exist what we truly wish to be or have the potential to be.

Let’s speak to the extent that we remember to listen
Let’s listen to the extent that we remember to speak
Let’s live in a way that we can co-exist
Let’s co-exist in a way that we can love!